4/17/2013

Master of Nonsense

Story Sent in by Donna:

James was a fun guy, but he had lousy taste in movies, so I invited him over to my place, after we had gone out on a few dates, to watch some classics: Rear Window and Casablanca.

We were a little way through Rear Window when he said, "This is a ripoff of Disturbia."

I said, "Disturbia came out over 50 years after Rear Window."

"Oh, so you're telling me this is a coincidence?"

"I'm telling you it's a remake."

"A ripoff, you mean." He stood. "Who made this? He still alive?"

"Alfred Hitchcock. Master of suspense. He's dead."

He yelled at the screen, "A dead ripoff artist!"

"James, calm down. Hitchcock made Rear Window in the 50s."

"Disturbia's the better film. Not this cheesy ripoff. Shut it off."

I hesitated, because I wasn't sure if he was serious. Still, his movie knowledge was really pretty bad, and maybe he was just this dim when it came to movies.

He said, "No, really. Shut it off. Put in Disturbia. We'll watch that."

"I don't own Disturbia."

"What?!" he shouted, then grabbed his coat and left, slamming the door behind him.

It was all so abrupt, so sudden, that I was positive he'd come back in and reassure me that it was just a joke. He didn't ever come back, and I ended up watching the rest of Rear Window and all of Casablanca by myself. I was likely better off, that way.

12 comments:

  1. He obviously didn't own the Criterion Collection. These kind of people drive me insane. Know your movies before you start shooting your mouth off.

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  2. Recent research confirms that those with lousy taste in movies have impaired chronological reasoning and a grotesquely oversized amygdala that dwarfs the prefrontal cortex. Also they are tools.

    Taste in movies/shows/music/books...as said in 'High Fidelity', these things matter.

    ReplyDelete
  3. His love of Shia LaBouf knows no bounds.

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  4. He also thinks those cheesy cartoons in the 80's ripped off Shia LaBouf's masterpiece, the Transformers Trilogy.

    ReplyDelete
  5. He is either mentally disturbed, horribly embarrassed he said what he said, or was looking for an out.

    Lesson learned: You should have had sex with him twice on a dirty mattress while his twin watched. That is the only way to have a healthy relationship.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Soooo many movies ripped off my Chunky Horse movie...

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  7. Steve, you should have had a better lawyer and that wouldn't have happened. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  8. I've only just realise that it's JMG adding weird extraneous commas to the final sentence of each of these, not the storyteller.

    IS THIS A PRANK, JMG? OR DO THEY SERVE SOME DARK PURPOSE? WHAT IS YOUR PLAN?

    ReplyDelete
  9. Your comment is weird and extraneous. I only add commas where absolutely necessary, to prevent logical confusion.




    Or to further my dark plan.

    ReplyDelete
  10. @ JMG - Your mom's comment is weird, and extraneous.

    ReplyDelete
  11. EVIDENCE OF FINAL COMMA WEIRDNESS

    "I was likely better off, that way."
    "I don't think we're dating, anymore," I informed them, and true to my word, I never took her out, again.
    "Lynda and I didn't go out together again, but she did put up new dating site profile photos of herself, wearing the beret."
    "She never reached out to me again, after that nonsense."
    "I told all my friends that he nearly ran me over, and school for him was awkward, after that."

    *starts hobo-mumbling about dates, times, letter counts and percentages*

    ReplyDelete
  12. You're my very favorite conspiracy-theorist hobo.

    ReplyDelete

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