4/08/2013

The Car Is Dark and Full of Terrors

Story Sent in by Billy:

I was to meet Alice for our first date at a restaurant. I arrived there first and she called me soon after. She said that she'd be a little late, that her car had caught fire.

It was either the lamest excuse ever or a serious incident in the making, so I gave her the benefit of the doubt, asked if she needed help, and hung up after she told me that everything would be okay and that she'd be right there.

She arrived, I asked her again if everything was okay, and we were seated.

She told me that she had lit some candles and put them on her dashboard, then tried to drive. They had fallen onto the floor and nearly incinerated her and her car.

I asked her why she'd light candles and she informed me that the lights inside her car, those that lit up the dashboard and such, were broken, and that it was the only way for her to see how fast she was going.

"I do it all the time," she said, "I just wasn't careful, this time."

I asked her why she didn't get the problem fixed, or at least use a flashlight as a workaround. She explained that a repair would cost too much money, as would flashlight batteries.

After dinner, I walked her back to her car, and told her flatly that I didn't think it was a good idea for her to light any more candles inside of it. She gave me a big hug, promised me she wouldn't, and we parted. She climbed into her car and then, as I watched, right in front of me, she lit two candles, placed one on the dashboard and one on the empty seat next to her, and drove away. After seeing that, I couldn't ask her out again.

17 comments:

  1. A REAL man would have offered to fix the problem for her. Dashlight bulbs cost like $4... And then you'd be entitled to sweet, sweet obligatory-appreciation-nookie...

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  2. If it's any consolation OP, someone that broke was just gonna dinner whore you anyway.

    LMFAO over the flashlight batteries being too expensive -- you know that until ya mentioned it she hadn't even considered using a flashlight. Or a batter powered latern. Or anything not dangerous and guaranteed to end with a police stop at some point.

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  3. Batter powered lanterns run on beer, baking powder, and panko, btw. So much cooler than ones with cathodes and anodes and shaz.

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  4. Dollars to donuts this girl has a trashslut-style apartment...

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  5. R'hollor was just speaking through her candles.

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  6. I'm just surprise she hasn't set her ownself on fire.

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  7. It's not the OP's job to fix his date's car lights. You can get them replaced fairly cheaply at the dealership. I'm sure at some point she'll get caught by the police and have to explain why she's driving a car with a lit candle in the compartment.

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  8. Pretty sure Steve was joking about the OP fixing Alice's dashboard lights. I'm also pretty sure it's not illegal to drive around with candles lit in your car. It's highly stupid but not illegal. The worst a cop can do is warn her which she obviously won't heed.

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  9. Actually no, thats bad equipment which in our state, especially with the spedometer not working, is a ticketed offense.

    Defective equipment is the ticket here. Believe me, I know from first hand (no I haven't gotten a ticket like this).

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  10. KatieGirl, not everyone has a rich daddy. As evidenced by this site, SOME women need to rely on random dates to tend to their automotive repair needs, as well as housekeeping, yard work, etc etc. After all, a mechanic will charge you around $75+ per hour in labor. If she properly harnessed his desperation for vajayjay, she could have had it done for free! Usually, just the *promise* of potential vajayjay is enough!
    Speaking from personal experience, I once changed the oil in a girl's car, then collected my 'reward.' Ah, memories... :-)

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  11. So she can't afford batteries, but she can afford candles?

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  12. I'm going to refrain from making comments about someone bragging about getting laid for a $19.95 oil change. Res ipsa loquitur.

    You can, however, get light bulbs replaced fairly cheaply. In my state we have mandatory inspections so if something like the electrical system (rather than a light bulb) needed to be fixed, the car would fail inspection and would be impounded if driven.

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  13. Steve, I've got a broken table that needs somebody to fix it for free. ;)

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  14. Well Tanette, I could fix it, but most likely we'd just end up breaking it again...

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  15. You guys are all missing the point here. The lit candle on the dash was to light her joint without taking her hands off the wheel (can't be too careful when driving).

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