4/02/2013

Lacking A-Peel

Story Sent in by David:

About five years ago, I tried dating off of Craigslist. I limited my search to people who had posted photos, and that's how I met April. She was cute and articulate, and we sent messages back and forth to each other.

Over the course of the message-sending, two of the additional photos she sent me were of herself holding bananas: not just one, but a bunch of them. One photo was of her sitting with the bunch on her lap, the other was of her sitting while holding them out, as if presenting them. When I wrote her, "Have a thing for bananas?" she replied, "Haha you're funny." But to be honest, it was a little weird.

We met for coffee and lunch at a great neighborhood cafe. I didn't recall this when I picked the place out, but they sold fresh fruit next to the register, including apples and bananas.

"I know why you picked this place," April told me as we sat over drinks, "the bananas."

I laughed. "No, but what's with you and bananas?"

She said, "No, I won't eat them in front of you."

"Huh? I wasn't going to ask you to."

She laughed and said, "Dave, you take me to a place that has a big pile of bananas as its centerpiece. I'm not a fool."

The "big pile of bananas" she referred to, by the register, was a bunch and a half. Hardly a big pile. In fact, there were more apples in a neighboring wire basket than bananas.

Again, I said, "I wasn't going to ask you to eat a banana."

She laughed once more. "Every guy wants me to eat bananas in front of them."

The waiter came by and asked, "Let me tell you folks about our specials."

She said to the waiter, "No, I will not eat a banana in front of you," then she stood up and said to me, "I'll meet you outside."

She departed, leaving her mostly-not-drank tea behind. I said to the waiter, after a few moments, "I guess I'm leaving, too. Sorry about that," and I paid and left.

Outside, she was nowhere to be found.

12 comments:

  1. I prefer watching women eat waffles.

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  2. I don't blame her, I won't eat a banana in front of a guy, either. I just skip straight to the blowjob.

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  3. ^So, uh, what are you doing this Friday?

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  4. Craiglist is the trashbin of dating. I'm sure there are some people who on there who are of great quality, but if you ever go on there and the guy's ad starts with "(cat) eating service," there tends to set the general tone.

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  5. Tanette...Steve is trying to cheat on you!!!! Howie would never do that! ... unless you don't like bananas

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  6. Can't a girl just take a photo with bananas in her lap without every man getting the wrong idea? I think the real pervert here was the waiter. We all know that "Let me tell you folks about our specials" is code for "Deep throat that banana for me, woman!".

    You men are so disgusting.

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  7. You should have screamed at her "Orange you glad I didn't say BANANA!"

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  8. I know, Howie! I was a little upset about that! And for the record, I love bananas! ;)

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  9. I don't get the "moral of the story"... ??? Why even post this?

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  10. What are you talking about, AK? These stories don't need morals. In fact, most of them are better without...

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  11. I was expecting some OP-insulting and I've been sorely let down, so I'll provide it myself.

    Why would you have followed her out? Just let the crazy roam wild and free already.

    ReplyDelete

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