4/30/2013

Kids Are Great

Story Sent in by Dewayne:

Melissa was a single mom. She had mentioned that upfront. What she didn't mention was that she was going to bring Aaron, her three-year-old, along on our first date.

She said, "My mom had a date tonight, can you believe that? Anyway, she's Aaron's usual babysitter, but she couldn't do it."

We were all seated at a booth in a restaurant, Aaron next to his mommy. I had chosen this particular not-so-kid-friendly restaurant because I thought it would be, you know, just Melissa and I.

Aaron brought a box of Cap'n Crunch along for a snack/toy. The box looked as though it had been ripped apart by wild dogs. It was hemorrhaging cereal all over Aaron, Melissa, and the table.

"I'm Pirate Bloo!" Aaron barked at me, while swinging his cereal box about. "I'm a pirate of dark water!" he said over and over again. Cap'n Crunch was spilled all over the place.

At first I did my best to ignore him and focus on Melissa, but she was pretty quiet. It was like she didn't really want to be there. With a kid behaving like that, I really couldn't blame her. Then again, she definitely could've done more to control him. As in, she could've done anything.

Ultimately, it became impossible to ignore Aaron as bits of cereal from the apparently bottomless cereal box flew at me across the table. Finally, I addressed him. "So, you're a pirate?"

He beat his chest, "I'm Tarzan the dinosaur monster!"

Aaron then leaped from the booth and ran out of the restaurant. Melissa bolted after him.

I took that chance to clean up the cereal mess as best as I could and ask for the check, which at that point only consisted of our drinks. I paid it and hurried out, figuring that I'd bump into Melissa and Aaron outside. I was preparing what I'd say to Melissa (something like, "I'm sorry, but maybe we should try this again without Cap'n Screamy"), but they were nowhere in sight. So I just left.

23 comments:

  1. A REAL man would've stepped up and raised her child for her!

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  2. BTW, this brat needs to get new idols... Chunky Horse would beat the living daylights out of Tarzan the dinosaur monster...

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  3. I'm getting the "OP is a dick" vibe here. It's not like she wanted to bring the kid on the date, but she had no choice. You being a dick about it and trying to ignore probably the most important thing in her life made you look like an awesome catch.

    That being said, I do hate screaming unruly kids. Couldn't you just get the ball gag out of your car for him that you planed to use on Melissa later?

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  4. @ Architect - can't fetch the ball gag out of your trunk if it's the only thing keeping Melissa's mom quiet before tonight's Chunky Horse ritual.

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  5. Architect, she should've postponed. I can't imagine a situation where it's appropriate to introduce a young child to a first date.

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  6. I think op, they planned it that way. the mom, ask aaron to have a tantrum and then run and that way she could avoid you.

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  7. @ Jason - Agreed, but maybe she's hard up. Mamma needs a little lovin' too, you know.

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  8. Single moms are always hurtin' for a squirtin'...

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  9. How much of a dick could he be? He agreed to go out with her know she was a single mom. He KNEW there was a kid in the picture. He knew he would have to face Tarzan the Dinosaur Monster eventually.

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  10. Re: "Chunky Horse would beat the living daylights out of Tarzan the dinosaur monster..."

    Someone please make this movie and send it to HBO.

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  11. You know OP, that kid wouldn't be able to scream with a broken jaw...or a box of cereal shoved down his throat...or if he's at the bottom of a river...

    Plus, it's common knowledge that a woman's vagina is ruined for life after squeezing out a kid. Her naughty bits probably looked like a mashed up beef casserole, or the Sarlacc from Star Wars.

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  12. I don't understand why people bring small children to sit down restaurants anyway. I went to dinner last night and the couple had to park their baby stroller in the walkway because it was blocking the pathway. I'm stick with McDonald's until my children are older.

    It also sometimes depends on the childn. If Melissa knew her child was hyper, then she should have just postponed or cancelled. It made for an uncomfortable situation for both her and her date.

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  13. I've missed y'all. I've been in Vegas.

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  14. Mom was, I'm sure, doing her best. Doesnt sound like OP has a lot of experience with 3 year olds. Messy eating and pretending to be a pirate seem like pretty typical behavior.

    You SAID it wasn't a kid friendly kinda place, maybe you should have suggested a change of venue when the circumstances changed.

    If you can't handle/don't like kids, you probably shouldn't date moms. Stuff happens. Plans change. Kids throw tantrums/barf/play at inappropriate or inconvenient times. Thats just part of parenting.

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  15. Welcome back Tanette! Did you, Howie, and Steve have your very own version of The Hangover? Was Chunky Horse there?!?!?!?!

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  16. Is it just me, or do the "OP is a dick" posts sound like they're coming from single moms...

    Bringing your child to a first date is inappropriate in pretty much all situations. And if your date is really happy to meet your child on a first date, your pedo alarms should be going off...

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  17. @SmallCityGirl -- Architect is a very hardworkin' single mom, be nice.

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  18. Damn right! I make kickass buildings, and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, bitches!

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  19. I wish Architect! That would have been an awesome trip to Vegas. Just your run of the mill girl trip to Vegas. No drugs outside of lots of alcohol. No prostitutes. No strippers. No tigers in the bathroom. No drunken marriages. And sadly no Steve, Howie or Chunky Horse. Wow that would have been umazing.

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  20. If this was the other way around, I'd be sure to hear a whole lot of outrage. If a single Dad brought his kid over to a date, we'd hear the chorus "omg! how dare he?" "if he can't affort a baby-sitter, why is he dating around?" "he is the sole cause the kid is a brat" and so on. I guess equality is not equal after all.

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  21. @ SplitScreen - Welcome to America! I see this is your first time here....

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