4/23/2013

It'll Freeze That Way

Story Sent in by Darlene:

Barry was nice enough to take me out to coffee and lunch. We then took a walk in a nearby park, and as we did, he stopped short, stared at me, and said, "Freeze."

I froze. Was there a spider on me? Was I about to step in dog doo? Was there a nearby tyrannosaurus?

He said, "You look so gorgeous... if my chin could hit the ground, it would."

I automatically laughed and said, "Thank you."

To drive his point home, I guess, he opened his mouth as wide as it would go, stretching, stretching, stretching–

He screamed, then clutched his lower face. "My jaw!"

I leaned closer to him, suddenly concerned, and I asked him, "Are you okay?" For a moment, I thought he had actually dislocated something.

Then, he laughed. "Ha ha ha! You thought I was serious? Stupid ho!"

All concern ebbing, I made a fist and said, "Want a real broken jaw?"

He sneered and said, "What the hell's your problem?" then straightened out his clothes and strutted off. I strutted off, too. Nothing like that had ever happened to me, before, and the gravity of the whole situation didn't really hit me until later.

14 comments:

  1. @ JMG - LOL The suspicious and random commas continue!

    Way to go OP! That jerk deserved a real broken jaw.

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  2. There's a secret code hidden deep within the site. The commas are the first key. Those who plunge into its musky depths shall reap great reward.

    Or they could just be commas. But why take that chance?

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  3. The commas are the key to summoning Chunky Horse from the fiery depths of the Netherworld...

    Just remember, folks... His obedience commands a terrible, terrible, price...

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  4. Worst kissy-face move ever.

    I've worked out that if you use the row and column numbers of the random commas, transpose those into stanza and word counts for the Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam, the mysteries are revealed. Specifically, it was revealed that I need to bathe in a mound of banana cream pies. So, my regular Tuesday.

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  5. yeah, stupid ho, how dare she think things!

    I would love to hear from the guy's perspective. We do not get enough rebuttals.

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  6. Funny how a female inciting violence, "want a real broken jaw" goes unnoticed and is not a big deal.
    Why do women think it's okay to threaten to hit a man for a simple (albeit bad) comment? She's either a stupid ho or lesbo who is insecure in her sexuality. I'm sure if this roles of this story were reversed, we'd have an uproar from women about the threat.

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  7. @ Steve - I think " fiery depths of the Netherworld" is an accurate description of Fizziks' vjayjay. And I think I've seen Chunky Horse in there before!

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  8. @Architect -- I got a cream and it's mostly better now. Aside from the rivers of pus.

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  9. I didn't know they sold that cream by the barrel...:-)

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  10. It was more of a tanker. You've seen that classic 80's move The Stuff?

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  11. "...happened to me, before, and the gravity..."

    ARGH IT HAPPENED AGAIN

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  12. UHG what a jerk face.

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  13. Are there the same six people commenting on every. single. story. in this site? Wow. Get a life.

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  14. According to my comment records, you're making your way through, commenting on quite a few stories lately, yourself.

    You said it, I guess.

    ReplyDelete

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