4/16/2013

Dark Wings, Dark Words

Story Sent in by Lewis:

Ellen and I had already been out on two dates when I asked her if she wanted to hang out with some of my friends, one weekend. We would all do lunch at a local tavern, then head back to a friend's place for board games. Ellen seemed into it, and at this stage in our relationship, there was nothing about her that indicated to me that there was any sort of imbalance.

At lunch, Ellen met my friends: Dave, Jenna, Joe, May, Craig, and Alexandra. Ellen was nice enough to the guys, but no more than cursorily polite to the women. Maybe a little icy. I took her aside and asked her if everything was okay. She said, "You didn't tell me you'd have girls, here. They need to know that I've got something they want, and they can't have it."

I said, "I'm sure they're not interested in me."

I was anxious to have things go well, as it was the first time Ellen was meeting my friends. In all honesty, I did date May for a little while, after high school, but that was years ago and since then, we had established a solid friendship. Ellen wasn't aware of that, and in any event, Ellen seemed particularly peeved at Alexandra, who was probably the most outgoing, funny, and gregarious of us all. Ellen, herself, who was usually bubbly and vocal during our dates, fell silent and scowled at Alexandra through most of the early part of our time at the tavern.

We ordered a couple of baskets of hot wings. Everyone, being friendly, tried to engage Ellen in conversation, and she spoke pleasantly enough, but always as if she wanted to stop being the center of attention as quickly as possible. Her mood was noticeably low, and the conversation soon turned to things other than Ellen.

She whispered in my ear, shortly before the wings arrived, "Everyone's ignoring me."

I said, "Then speak up. You've barely said more than two words."

She gasped at that and looked at me like I had insulted her. A few moments later, the wings arrived, and something happened.

Ellen stood up, knocking her chair over. She grabbed a basket of wings and poured it onto Alexandra's head. Alexandra screamed and Ellen shoved her way out of the tavern.

Instead of running after Ellen, I remained with my friends to help clean Alexandra. May and Jenna took her to the women's room, while Dave, Joe, and Craig asked me a bit more about Ellen.

"I don't think we're dating, anymore," I informed them, and true to my word, I never took her out, again.

14 comments:

  1. When you're in trouble you/call D.W....
    .....DarkWing Duck!

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  2. That Alexandra always was a "Chipotle off the old block!"...

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  3. Wow OP, you didn't have a wing and a prayer with this chick.

    I hope those wings weren't the thermo-nuclear ones. Poor Alexandra's skin would melt right off her skull.

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  4. But you've got to cut Ellen a little slack. She was pretty nervous meeting your friends for the first time. I guess she just decided to......*puts on sunglasses*.....wing it.

    YEEEAAAAHHHHH!

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  5. I think two dates might be too soon to start bringing someone around a large of your friends. Unless you know the person prior, I'd see what their attitudes, possessive traits, etc. so this would not be an issue.

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  6. Outside of that, at least she showed her crazy early on, and it only cost one bucket of chicken wings.

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  7. how stupid can ellen be? she probably thought that alexandra was attracted to her date because she was the most out going. hmm

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  8. So...did you guys still play board games after? Or did ya not want to get hot sauce all over the Henry VIII fertility table on your copy of 'Here I Stand: Wars of the Reformation'?

    http://home.comcast.net/~ebeach/index.html

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  9. I don't think this chick did anything wrong. It's nothing that Tanette wouldn't do around my friends... She'll cut a b*tch...

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  10. Silly girl. The last thing you do to make somebody less attractive to a man is poor wing sauce all over her.... mmmmmmm.

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  11. Beer-flavored bewbs > wing sauce-flavored hair.

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  12. Since Alexandra already had wings on her head, you should have given her a few servings of your homemade "ranch dressing" in her hair as well. It would have been the gentlemanly thing to do.

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  13. Yeah, I'll cut a bee-och, Steve, but no way I'd waste food on anybody. I love food! Yeah, OP, that was a no-win situation. But I'm sure it's a story you and your friends will be telling for years.

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  14. @KG:
    "I think two dates might be too soon to start bringing someone around a large of your friends."
    That'd be true if you are a pedophile. Kids don't behave properly in front of strangers.

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