3/07/2013

That Will Just Enrage the Doll

Story Sent in by Cate:

I have a small collection of Russian matryoshka dolls, the wooden kind that nest one little figure inside another, inside another, and so on. I mention this to the dating world, on my profile, as a minor hobby.

Enter Steve, a freelance photographer I met on Plentyoffish. On our first date, I was surprised when he passed a small, wrapped box to me, at the dinner table.

He prefaced it with, "I know you collect them."

I opened the gift, and it was not, as I had assumed, a matryoshka doll: it was a little plastic baby doll, but like one I had never seen before. It's eyes pointed in different directions, it had random patches of long brown hair streaming out from its head, its mouth was wide open, and it had a single, protruding horn coming out of the right side of its head. In short, the most horrifying doll I've ever seen.

He seemed earnest and sincere, so I said, "Thank you. Where did you get this?"

He said, "That would be revealing my secret. Enjoy it. There's plenty more where that came from."

That was hardly reassuring. It looked nothing at all like a matryoshka doll, so I honestly can't guess at what he was thinking.

After the date was when it became really creepy, though. I brought the doll home, but resolved to drop it off at a Salvation Army donation center as soon as possible. An email from Steve arrived the next day, asking me why my Plentyoffish profile was still up: "We're dating, so maybe you should take it down."

One date with a guy didn't mean that I had to take my profile down. I wrote back a nicer version of that, and he replied, "I almost had to take a human life to get you that doll. What gives?"

I dropped the doll off at its new thrift store home, that day, and I never spoke to Steve again.

14 comments:

  1. That thrift store is probably exactly where he found it, in the first place. The doll is likely legendary, there.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Really wish this story came with a pic of the doll. Come to think of it, a lot of these stories could do with pics from the OPs. OPs have seen/been given some crazy shit on here...

    Sploosh if someone posts the original Chunky Horse video.

    ReplyDelete
  3. He makes the dolls out of the last girl he got a date with. Sometimes the process is fatal, sometimes it only maims.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Please give the posters the opportunity to send pics that are relevant to the date! I love pictures :) ew but not gross ones....Jared would have to filter...

    ReplyDelete
  5. The writers are welcome to send in whatever accompanying media that they want. A few times, they have sent in relevant photos that I've posted alongside their stories. More than a few have sent in dating site profile photos of their bad dates, which I won't post, for privacy's sake.

    That said, it doesn't surprise me that Cate didn't have the presence of mind to take a photo of the doll. It sounds to me like she wanted it out of her life as quickly as possible.

    Also, I don't want my emailbox flooded with phallic pictures any more than it currently is.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Won't Steve be so disappointed when he starts his chant of "Ade due damballa. Give me the power, I beg of you"
    only to find himself on a thrift store shelf and not in the OP's bedroom.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nice! I wish I were as clever as some of y'all.

      Delete
  7. I'm just salty that my name is used disproportionately to portray the crazy dates... I mean, I know Jared thinks about me constantly due to his man-crush, but...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Poor Steve. Come put your head on my boobs. It will comfort you.

      Delete
  8. I would have burned that doll, or at least thrown it away. What the Hell is the Salvation Army supposed to do with that thing other than toss it in the trash? No rational person would buy it and kids in poor families don't need an unbalanced adult bringing home nightmare fuel.

    ReplyDelete
  9. "No rational person would buy it"

    Case in point.

    ReplyDelete
  10. This would make an excellent Twilight Zone episode...

    ReplyDelete
  11. I want to know why he nearly had to take a human life in order to obtain this very creepy-sounding doll! Yikes.

    ReplyDelete

Content Policy

A Bad Case of the Dates reserves the right to publish or not publish any submitted content at any time, and by submitting content to A Bad Case of the Dates, you retain original copyright, but are granting us the right to post, edit, and/or republish your content forever and in any media throughout the universe. If Zeta Reticulans come down from their home planet to harvest bad dating stories, you could become an intergalactic megastar. Go you!

A Bad Case of the Dates is not responsible for user comments. We also reserve the right to delete any comments at any time and for any reason. We're hoping to not have to, though.

Aching to reach us? abadcaseofthedates at gmail dot com.