3/14/2013

Life of Pie

Story Sent in by Charles:

Rachel and I had been on one successful date already, and date number two was at a roller rink at a strip mall next to a bakery that made amazing desserts. After we skated for a while, fell down repeatedly, and had an overall great time, I brought her next door to the bakery.

She sat down at a table, and I offered to run up to the counter and order whatever she wanted. She asked for a slice of pie, and when I asked her what kind she wanted (they had about a dozen varieties), she told me to surprise her.

I brought her a slice of apple cranberry pie (and for me, a slice of blueberry crumb). When I told her what kind of pie, I bought her, she freaked out.

"Apple cranberry?" she said, in a loud and serious tone that I had previously not heard from her.

When I confirmed it, she said, "I'm allergic to apples. I told you. Over and over and over and over!"

Maybe my listening comprehension wasn't that great, but I swear to all that is holy/unholy that she never once told me that she was allergic to apples. I'd have likely remembered that. (Afterward, I checked the emails we had sent to each other, and there was no mention of an apple allergy at all.)

Not wanting to escalate things, I said, "I'm sorry. Want my blueberry crumb slice?"

She stood up, said, "You want me to die!" and slammed her fist down on nothing, clearly trying to hit the table. She slammed her fist down a second time, and that time, it connected. She stormed out, and I half-ran up to the counter and asked for the slices to go.

When I made it outside, I found her sitting on the curb with her head in her hands. I asked her if she was okay, and she said, "For someone you just tried to kill? I'm great, thanks."

I asked her, "So I can have your slice?"

"Choke on it," she said, then stood and strutted to her car. I was left without her, but with two slices of pie, so I felt like a winner.

16 comments:

  1. I love that OP asked to have her slice of pie! He basically said, you are fucking crazy, but that's no reason to waste perfectly good pie. Way to go OP!

    So the OP did get to eat her pie after all....nice!

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  2. You went on a date to a roller rink? Did she wear leg warmers? Did you go home and watch Alf afterwards?

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  3. You called it. I saved this one for the purpose.

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  4. Ugh. I get that she was maybe crazy or wanted to ACT that way to end the date quickly but this was beyond rude and obnoxious. It's upsetting that you both were having such a great time and she chose one little thing to freak out over. I mean how old was she? She throws tantrums like a little kid and escalates things from nothing to the infinate degree. I can't stand people like that but at least you saw her true colors early. Good riddance to her and props to you for jumping on that extra piece of pie and not continuing the date when she made it clear that the issue was not resolvable.

    I absolutely DESPISE the people who can't decide on something they want or who say "surprise me" and leave the decision up to YOU. Because somehow you always make the wrong choice because you cant meet their ridiculous expectations even though they can't decide and somehow it's your fault for lacking the ability to read their mind. I've dated people like this. Sucks.

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  5. In my world, this would've called for a pie-throwing contest. Target the bitch.. get a free pie.

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  6. You should have smeared apples all over her, then stolen her epi-pen.

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  7. wait a minute she only allergic to apples. op had a blueberry pie? why would she think he wanted to kill her? there no apples in blueberry pie or is there?

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  8. All pies are made with apples. It's in everything, just like horse meat.

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  9. eww horse meat is in everything that gross!!!!!!!!

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  10. If I had a gun with only two bullets, and was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden and Rachel...I would shoot Rachel twice.
    How do you like dem apples, you crazy bitch?

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  11. I like that you even posted it at 3:14. That's commitment.

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  12. Actually murdering someone for accusing you of trying to is an overreaction. How is this lady worth the jail time?

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