3/13/2013

How Many Licks Does it Take?

Story Sent in by Gayle:

Devin was my first date off of a paid dating website. We chatted online for a bit, and when we met in person, right inside an Indian restaurant, he hugged me hello, but as he drew away from me, he actually licked my face.

I wiped it off immediately, and Devin turned to the host and asked that we be seated.

Once we were at the table, I asked him why he had licked me. He said, "I'm sorry. I was just so happy to see you."

"Like a dog," I said, and he looked visibly defeated.

As the ensuing minutes wore on and I forced small talk, I noticed that he licked his own face a few times, prompting me to ask him what he was doing.

He said, "You don't mind if I lick my own face, do you?"

I stared at him for a few seconds. He licked himself again, and I said, "Let's just do drinks. I have somewhere else to be."

He said, "All right," dejectedly. Well, what did he expect? After a quick drink, we split the check and that ended the date.

13 comments:

  1. You gotta lick it, before you stick it. So, there's that...

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  2. Eeewwwwwwww! Run away immediately! Who would do that?!?!

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  3. True story. My stepsister meets this guy at a concert, they hit it off, make out, go back to his place, make out more, ...and he punches her in the head.

    She, furious: "Why the fuck would you do that?!?!?"
    He, genuinely confused: "..My ex always liked that....."

    He was so hang-dog and upset that he'd ruined it. He really thought that she'd be into it.

    Moral of the story, kiddies: don't just unleash your fetish on people without and inquiry first. Unless that IS your fetish.

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  4. I'm guessing Devin thought licking the OP's face or his face was supposed to make the OP turned on or he thought it was sexy. Major strike out! Kudos to the OP though for doing damage control and cutting the date short. That doesn't seem to happen enough on here...

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  5. I'ma show Tanette how many licks it takes to get to the centeeeeer...

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  6. Um, Steve. My full name is NOT Howie Licktherface. Just when I think you start to know me, this happens....you are off my Christmas card list!

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  7. Maybe he'd just eaten a whole bag of Sour Patch Kids and his tongue was like tingly sandpaper. He was probably trying to exfoliate the OP and himself. How can you hate on that?

    This date made me cringe almost as much as the snot date from way back....ugh, still grosses me out!

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  8. maybe he has a dog fetish? since he can't do dogs.

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  9. Maybe he was trying to impress her with the length of his tongue?

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  10. OP, you dumb bitch! You just missed out on the best experience of your life. You know he would have been totally down to tongue-punch your fartbox!
    Which I highly recommend everyone here try. It's like being sodomized by an angel.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Oh Steve you beat me to the punch. I was fired up and ready to say something crass. So instead I will say "That's hot!"

    ReplyDelete
  12. I think I found Devin. OP missed out. He's a keeper.

    http://www.whas11.com/news/crimetracker/Police-Man-licks-womans-neck-after-yelling-I-am-not-a-pediphile-I-am-a-rapist-197846201.html

    ReplyDelete

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