3/08/2013

Anything Butt Ugly

(How watching Ferris Bueller can make you into a better storyteller. Click to check it out on Jared's Inkwell. -JMG)

Story Sent in by Emmerich:

In college, I had been seeing Bea for about a month and a half when I went over to her dorm to spend the night. We ordered in, watched a movie, and went to bed together. Her roommate, Lauri, was out of the picture for the night.

I started putting the moves on her, kissing the back of her neck and slipping my hands under her pajamas.

Then, she said, "Lauri thinks you're butt-ugly."

I stopped what I was doing and said, "Lauri thinks that Africa is a country," which was true, "So her opinion doesn't mean much."

"Yeah, but what if she's right?"

"About Africa?"

"About you."

"Do you think I'm butt-ugly?"

She didn't answer. After a minute, I continued putting the moves on her. She slid away from me. I asked, "What's wrong?"

She replied, "You're butt-ugly and you never even told me." Then she cried.

I didn't know what to think, so I put an arm around her and cradled her and told her over and over that Lauri's opinion didn't matter — that it was only what Bea, herself thought that counted.

Bea fell asleep. I fell asleep next to her. The next morning, I woke first and kissed the back of her neck. She woke and said, "Would you mind leaving? Everyone who's butt-ugly should be out of the room before Lauri comes back, today."

The last straw. I said, "So you're heading out, too?"

"I'm beautiful. Get out."

I dressed in a hurry and left her room without a word. I took a quick shower in the dorm, then headed off to my own place. Didn't hear from Bea anymore after that, and good riddance.

9 comments:

  1. Either she is stupid or very passive aggressive. But she must have been super hot since you stayed so long.

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  2. If she needed to be told that the OP is "butt-ugly," maybe Bea is blind? Did OP pick up a blind girl like that guy in Red Dragon to hide his facial disfigurement?

    Also, whatever will Bea do when she graduates from college and no longer has her roommate to tell her how to think.

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  3. I highly doubt Bea suddenly became this stupid or shallow overnight. It's more than likely the OP, being a college aged male, was willing to overlook that fact because it meant sex. And when it didn't mean sex anymore, it became a problem. Applicable to a lot of men, but not all of them.


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  4. *Insert standard comment about OP being a C.H.U.D. here*

    What the hell? "You're butt-ugly and you never even told me." If a super model walked up to her and said, "Hey, I'm butt-ugly. Just thought you should know." Would her reaction have been "Thank GOD you told me! Now I know to treat you like shit!"? This girl didn't go to college to find out who she is, she went to have other people tell her who she is.

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  5. ^ A standard case of Charles
    Horton Cooley's 'The looking glass self'

    I don't like the OP either....she didn't become so shallow overnight....Emmerich was looking to get his sausage licked.

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  6. The OP is really creepy. I don't care whether Bea was loopy or not...

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  7. ^Op is creepy? Why, for putting the moves on his girlfriend?

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  8. I think Op should practice little honesty in the life. Why not tell date that he is butt ugly up front. Poor girl, he made her cry. OP, are you not ashamed of yourself?

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  9. Date is more of a dumbass than shallow.

    ReplyDelete

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