2/24/2013

Volleyball Players Are Nuts

Story Sent in by Chris:

Joanna and I had several fun conversations before we met for our first date, including one in which, over the phone, we went over our various childhood nicknames. I won't list mine here, but she said that she was called "The Beast" throughout high school. When I asked her why, she said it was because once, after losing a volleyball game, early her freshman year, she attacked the other team's captain and ripped off a good amount of the captain's hair and skin before she could be pulled away.

"You attacked her?" I asked, "You must've gotten in huge trouble."

Joanna said, "Nah. I got an award!"

"As award? For physically attacking someone else?"

"An MVP award," Joanna confirmed, "I proved to everyone what she really was, and to thank me, they gave me an award."

"What she really was?"

"Not human. Whatever she was, it wasn't human. The day after the attack, the governor called the school to thank me, and I got an award."

I was sure she was playing me, and so I acted as though I believed her and we moved onto other topics.

The evening of our date, though, she showed up with her framed freshman year volleyball MVP award. She held it up to show me and said, "Here you go. I brought it along in case you wanted to see it. Proof that I attacked and won."

I said, "Yeah. That's a little weird."

She said, "That's what someone not-human would say. Do I need to attack you, now? I'll do it. I'll rip you to your bones."

She said it with a straight face, and some sort of evolutionary red flag went up, telling me that if I didn't backpedal, she'd legitimately attack. I took the path of indulgence and said, "No. What I meant was, it's a little weird that you can tell when someone... isn't human. That's a valuable skill."

"It's a blessing and a curse," she said, seemingly back to normal.

Dinner was dinner, and I ended the date shortly afterward. No more dates, after that, with crazy Joanna.

7 comments:

  1. As a former volleyball player, let me say: that is normal. I got an award for attacking another player. However, my award came from the mayor.

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  2. OP, why'd you go out on a date with her after that story? Just curious.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He said he thought she was kidding. And, you know, there was the possibility of sex.

      Delete
    2. Yeah. Painful sex. Unless he was into that kind of thing...

      Delete
  3. She got an award....and it was in the form of this stylish white jacket. The only problem was the sleeves were a little too long....

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  4. I think I've been at a party with this same girl...

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  5. I will send a message to the rest of my dark brethren. If this story is true, and there is somebody out there who can detect our kind, then they are a threat to us all!

    ReplyDelete

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