2/08/2013

Lovesick

Story Sent in by Kathy:

In my early 20s, I went on a date with Carlton. From pretty early on in the evening, it was easy to tell that a relationship between the two of us wasn't likely. He smelled funny, and he laughed harder at his own jokes than I did. He also kept reaching across the table to touch my arm, when he spoke. Granted, it wasn't a wide table, but he clearly went out of his way to do it, which made me nervous, especially as each touch was progressively further and further up my arm.

I made the final decision when he launched into a conversation about how we'd spend our hypothetical second date (at a museum), a hypothetical third date (at a farm), and a hypothetical fourth date (in bed). I excused myself from the table and went into the bathroom.

I waited there for a few minutes, then returned to the table and told him, "I'm really sorry about this, but a friend of mine's been in the hospital and I just called to check on her and I kind of want to go see her... I'm sorry."

Carlton instantly went into "concerned guy" mode and said, "Oh my God, we'll head right over." He looked around for our waitress.

I told him, "I'll be fine going on my own."

He said, "No, I'm coming with you." He stood up. "I'll be right back."

He strode across the restaurant to our waitress and told her, I guessed, that we were ready for the check. Carlton returned to the table and said, "She'll be right here with the check. You have your money?"

I was ready to pay my share, and I put it on the table and stood.

"Wait!" Carlton said, "I'm coming with you."

"No," I said, and half-ran for the door.

I hoped that having to pay his part of the check would slow him down, but it didn't. Out on the street, I heard him shout my name, behind me, and I hurried to my car, which was a block and a half away. Not bothering to look over my shoulder, I jumped into my car and drove off, certain that I'd lost him.

I didn't take a direct route home, and I was low on gas, so I stopped at a station. As I stepped out of my car, at a pump, he pulled up beside me in a minivan with his windows rolled down. "Which hospital?" he asked.

"Get away from me!" I said, then jumped back into my car.

"Which hospital?" he called again as I drove away.

I did my best to lose him, but my best wasn't good enough. I pulled into a police station, and he followed me into the lot, jumped out of his car, and tapped on my window with the creepiest smile I'd ever seen. He said, "You won't get rid of me that easily. Which hospital?"

I hit my horn like I was button mashing in Street Fighter. He backed away, returned to his car, and drove out of the lot. No one came out of the station, but a few minutes later, I pulled out, took an indirect route home, and hoped that I wouldn't see or hear from him again.

Well, I was half disappointed. I found an email from Carlton in my inbox the next day. He said that he had spent the rest of the night driving to every hospital in the area, looking for me. He asked, in the email, "Did you not realize that I wasn't with you, when you made it to the hospital? Since our first date didn't end, should I consider our next date as part of the first date, or as a completely separate second date? ;)"

I never responded to that wacko.

21 comments:

  1. Whats wrong with "im sorry its just not working?". When did that date happen? Years ago? Beecause nobody believes that hospital excuse anymore. Ok the date was a creep following her around but since he knew she lied, he thought might as well have some fun. How many hospitals does that town have? I very much doubt he went around the hospitals the whole night. Probably he gave up after he lost her and decided to creep her a bit more in the morning. OP if you decide to use an excuse to end the date early next time, make up one that works. Not the oldest trick in the book.

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    1. She said she was in her early 20s. People occasionally do silly things in their early 20s. Sometimes, silly things are done regardless of age, such as implicitly blaming the OP for bringing a really creepy guy's actions upon herself. He couldn't take a hint. He followed her. He made her uncomfortable. It doesn't matter what her excuse was. She said to him at the gas station, point blank, "Stop following me." You don't have to be a genius to figure out what she wanted him to do, by that point.

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    2. Im not blaming the OP. Im just saying that she could have handled it a bit better

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    3. If you're young or inexperienced with dating, coming up with a graceful way to exit when you're not feeling it can be hard. I'm not especially quick on my feet so it took me quite a few shitty dates to come up with something believable.

      Yeah, the OP could have handled this better but I suspect Carlton (from Fresh Prince? *does the Carlton dance*) would have made this into a creepy situation no matter what she said or did. Creepy touchy feely guys always do.

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    4. So, Devil, what is your go-to exit line? :-)

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    5. 'Whats wrong with "im sorry its just not working?"'

      Because that assumes the response will be rational - 'oh, OK. No problem', and not:

      "Why not? What's wrong with me? Think you're too good for me, bitch?" or that the guy won't take it as 'playing hard to get'.

      An excuse is understandable if you're with someone who's making you feel uncomfortable (the touching & the sex talk, in this situation)

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    6. Steve, my go-to line was, "I just got my period and I'm bleeding, like, all over the place and I don't have a tampon and my pants are bloody sooooo.......gotta go!" Most men don't want to deal with the menses that early on so it's usually a hassle free exit. If they inquired or tried to help, I got graphic. That'll do the trick even if a guy loves you.

      Now I just walk out on shitty dates or don't return their calls/texts. I've tried the "it's not working" but that, ironically, does not work all that well. I'm not gonna be called a bitch/slut/whore/slore because I don't want to date some fuckwit.

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    7. Mia, the OP handled it WAY better than the guy who followed a woman to a police station after she screamed at him to leave her alone. If terrorizing someone is your idea of "a bit of fun" then I feel sorry for the people around you.

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  2. I think its like everyone said, it just seemed like she made a huge deal out of not really liking him. Simply saying I need to get going because I have to get up early and letting him down later would be the easiest. It's like someone said..sometimes a small white lie turns into a whole situation no one wants to deal with.

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    1. No, HE made a big deal out of her not liking him. She cut the date short. He decided to stalk her.

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  3. The bottom line is OP lied and Carlton *also doing the Carlton dance* called her on her bullshit. Was he creepy? Absolutely. Did he take it too far? No bout a doubt it. Could the OP have not lied and just given him the let down in person instead of being a chicken shit? Probably. When you use a lie to get out of a situation, the other party has two options: Swallow the lie and move on or double down. Creepy guys will always double down. Something to keep in mind for future dates.

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    1. You say that like he was owed the truth. He wasn't.

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  4. Wait. He made her pay her half for first date dinner and was expecting sex on the fourth date? :D I kid. I kid. Anyway, creepy guy, and I'm sure OP learned her lesson well.

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    1. He is value-oriented, and demands a lot of bang for his buck.

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  5. Oh, yeah. Everyone here, in their early 20's, would totally have made a direct rejection, and clearly Carlton here would suddenly have transformed into a sane person and accepted that calmly.

    I'm inclined to be sympathetic for something that can't be conveyed in the story -- animal-level information. It seems her creep-creep-creep!! alert was ringing so loud she wasn't thinking clearly, and the whole walking up to her car *at a police station* and making the "can't get rid of me that easily" bit says her alert was totally right. Like Architect sez, tho, crazy will always double down. I would just add the nuance that dealing with crazy straight on is difficult if you are really rattled.

    My go-to bit to evade a date is to throw my panties on his dinner plate. Usually the reek of ammonia is so overpowering that while he's scratching his eyeballs and gagging I can wadd out the door, use the pneumatic lift to get into my car, and drive off with sparks flying as the undercarriage drags the pavement.

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    1. So no second date for Howie?

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    2. He said not until he could rent a sandblaster to scour the dried diarrhea off enough to find a crevice. Seemed fair...wait, are you saying that's not why he left the restaurant?

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  6. Somehow, despite all the madness displayed by Carlton, I think the absolute creepiest part is when Kathy was laying on her horn right outside the police station AND NO ONE CAME OUT TO CHECK.

    See, 'cuz craziness from a stranger can almost be depended on, due to lack of any context in which to gauge his/her true intentions, but the police, who should be depended on to respond, hear a commotion outside and no one comes out to investigate?!?

    Undependability is creepy!

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    1. I wish the OP had followed up with the police if only to find out why no one came out to help her.

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