2/19/2013

Dudes Gone Wild

Story Sent in by Susan:

Duane and I met on a dating website and went out a few times. He was loud and a drinker, but he was funny and I liked him. Our last time out together, we went to a house party thrown by some of my friends. Duane had already had a few before we arrived, and when we did, he bellowed to the assembled group, "The entertainment's here!" and he slapped me, hard, on the rear.

I replied, "And you're it!" and I slapped his back. He laughed and disappeared into the crowd.

Twenty minutes later, he reappeared and said to me, with some urgency, "This is boring. Let's go to Waffle House."

"We just got here." I wanted to catch up with some friends who I hadn't seen in a while.

He tugged at my arm and said, "No, really. I think we should go. You drive."

I asked him, "Why? What did you do?"

By that point, word was spreading at the party that someone had used the bathroom and had missed the toilet by a mile and a half. I asked Duane, "You wouldn't have anything to do with that, would you?"

He grinned and said, "I got $100 out of it. If we go now, I'll treat you to any Waffle House you want."

We left shortly thereafter, and as I drove us to the closest Waffle House, Duane shouted, "Pull over!" as we drove through town.

I thought that he had to throw up, but instead, he ran, pell-mell, into a convenience store. I parked the car and went inside to find him stacking cases of beer on the counter. He bought it all, and I helped him move it to the car. He laughed the entire time, and once we were done, I asked him, "We going to Waffle House, now?"

He said, "Yeah, but I got no money left."

I drove him home and made him take all the beer out, himself. I drove off as he carried out the last case, and he must've been unsure of his footing, because he fell over. We didn't go out anymore, and he wasn't invited out with my friends again.

11 comments:

  1. ... I married him and had 5 kids in 3 years, my friends still hate him

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  2. Drunk manchild frat douche leaves human waste all over my friends' bathroom for money. As a reward, I drive him around because he's going to use the cash to buy me a waffle. I am just your average ABCD contributor.

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    Replies
    1. Yeah, if I were her 'friends' I wouldn't be inviting _her_ to any more house parties either.

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    2. @Jason - Pretty much. But if the party was thrown by the OP's friends then someone else they invited dared Duane to do it. It sounds like the hosts have several friends they need to dump.

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  3. While they didn't make it to the Waffle House, at least OP had her eggs fertilized that night...

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    Replies
    1. Scattered, smothered, and covered?

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  4. It sounds to me like the OP liked his loud, drunk, and obnoxious behavior until it went out of bounds. The point, however, is that I'm sure he assumed this and his true character eventually came out. If someone is loud and drunk the first few times they are around you, chances are they are like that all the time. Can't say you didn't see that coming.

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  5. So you bring a guy that you barely know to a friend's house and he takes a dump on the floor. But wait! This is totally ok because he promised to buy you a waffle! Oh what a true gentleman indeed!
    So instead of, you know, making him clean up his mess, you ditch your friends and drive his drunk disgusting ass wherever he wants to go.

    I hate you so much. I hope you get gangbanged by a herd of hippopotamus.

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    Replies
    1. Sounds like a future trashslut in the making!

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  6. I hope she gets it from a herd of equus pinguis.

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