2/20/2013

Corn Flake

Story Sent in by Jeffrey:

For our first date, Marion and I met up for a walk and then lunch. On our walk, she busted out, from her bag, a plastic container of corn flakes and a small container of milk. She sat down on a bench, poured milk over the cereal, and, with a little plastic spoon, chowed down like it was breakfast time.

"Forget to have breakfast?" I asked.

She replied, "This is my special breakfast. I have to have it."

"What makes it special?"

She opened her mouth to show me all of the chewed corn flakes, mingled with milk. "Great," I said, but she didn't close her mouth. "You can close your mouth, now," I said.

She kept it open, staring at me, wide-eyed. I said, "Yes, that's a very special breakfast. I see, now. Indeed, before, my eyes were almost blind to it."

She kept her mouth open, like she was waiting for me to see something else. Finally, I said, "I'm looking forward to lunch."

She swallowed her corn flakes, nodded, said, "Me, too," then slapped a cover on top of her food, stood up, and fast-walked away. I followed after her, thinking that we were speeding off to lunch, but she said, "I meant that I was looking forward to lunch, by myself. You're not invited. Sorry."

I was momentarily stunned, but said, "All right, then. Have a good lunch."

"Yeah," she said, then fast-walked out of my life.

17 comments:

  1. What if they weren't cornflakes, but in fact her collection of old scabs?

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    Replies
    1. scabs = blood dried into crusts. A vampire-in-training? Seriously, if they were old scabs and not cornflakes, that would be all kinds of disgusting

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    2. I just threw up in my mouth a little.

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  2. This is why manic pixie dream girls are only a dream; in real life, people are rarely crazy in only cute ways.

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    Replies
    1. I know, right? Just like the antics of the male leads in romcoms come across as stalking in real life, the "quirkiness" of the MPDG comes across in real life as just batshit crazy. The sooner everyone realizes that Zooey Deschanel is just playing a poorly-written character, the sooner the dating world will be rid of these weirdos. One can hope, anyway.

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  3. Why in the world would you want to go eat a meal with her after that?

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    Replies
    1. I know! Man, i wish I were wittier. But anyway...

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  4. Yeah, like a couple of other stories recently, I believe this was her escape plan if her date turned out to be a C.H.U.D. Act like a crazy freak and hope he leaves. When that didn't work, she decided to ditch you. Next time, try not to look so heinous.

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    Replies
    1. Pray tell what is a C. H. U. D? Thank you in advance.

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    2. C.H.U.D.: Acronym - Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dweller. It was a cult classic horror film out of the 80's. See the links below:

      http://www.spinserpent.com/2012/10/retro-friday-chud.html
      http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0087015/
      http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=chud

      I picked it up from Clerks and have been using it ever since. :-)

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    3. Thank you! Much appreciate.

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  5. I remember reading other story where date busted out corn flakes. I think crazy people are using this site as a guide.

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  6. I think she was wanting to feed her corn flakes to you baby bird style. So you deeply offended her when you didn't suck the mush out of her mouth.

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  7. Also, you lose your man card because a girl was sitting in front of you with her mouth open and you didn't stick your balls in there.

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  8. But the big question is, did Marion think it was good solution hanging with the raisin girl?

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