2/28/2013

At Least the Hoes Didn't Attack

Story Sent in by Robert:

Theresa and I met, of all places, at a grocery store. Three out of four weekends in a row, we happened to be shopping there at the same time, and encountered each other in different aisles. The first time, we exchanged a quick smile. The second time, a bit of small talk, and the third time, after she jokingly asked if I was stalking her, I got her number.

When I called her up to ask her out, we spoke for a bit, and she informed me that she was recently separated from her husband, but that she still wanted to meet. She asked me if I liked swimming, and invited me to go to a pool with her and have lunch afterward. It sounded good.

Theresa and I had a good time swimming. Me especially, as the view of her in her bathing suit was exceptionally pleasant. After the pool, we walked to a nearby cafe and had lunch. There was a housewares store in the same shopping center, and Theresa asked me if I'd be okay going there with her after we ate.

In the store, we each strolled to separate aisles as we browsed. At once I heard a crash and clatter from a nearby aisle and I instinctively ran over to see what had happened. Theresa was on the floor, a bit dazed, but none the worse for wear. Some garden tools – spades, rakes, and a shovel or two – had fallen around her.

I helped her up and asked her what had happened. She said, "These rakes attacked me!" She picked up a shovel from the floor and smashed it against the rakes, attacking them.

I grabbed the shovel as she swung it back for another hit, but she pulled and pulled at it. She finally gave up and let the shovel go. By that point, several other shoppers had stopped to watch, and a couple of employees stood by, heroically doing nothing at all.

Theresa smiled at me and said, "Ready to go?"

"Are you okay?" I asked her.

She said, like nothing out of the ordinary had just happened, "Yeah. I got everything I came here for." She hadn't bought anything. We left the store, she said she had to go, and off she went.

I've visited the grocery store on weekdays, after that.

9 comments:

  1. Can't imagine why her husband wouldn't want to stay with this gem...

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  2. "I got everything I came here for."

    ACTIVITY TIME: What do you suppose that was?

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  3. well it wasn't her marbles!

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  4. I can't tell you how many times I've walked into Home Depot and been accosted by gardening equipment. But the plumbing supplies are the worst...always giving me shit!

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    Replies
    1. This reminds me of my poor friend who got a ceiling fan dropped on her. She avoids that isle at Home Depot at all costs now.

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  5. "... and a couple of employees stood by, heroically doing nothing at all". OP, you snarky, obnoxious dick. You don't get paid enough in retail to risk bodily harm by intervening when batshit crazy people start swinging shovels. Hell, depending on where you work you might even be fired for it. And she was definitely batshit crazy.

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    Replies
    1. Definitely. I recently worked for Walmart, and unless you're asset protection or management you can't do anything but talk. Would he have liked them to heroically go up and say "Miss! Miss! Please calm down!"?

      Delete

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