1/28/2013

This Muffin Tastes Angry

Story Sent in by David:

Wendy and I had been out together once and had a good first date. She worked as a barista at a coffee shop, and after comparing our availability, we scheduled a second date for a Friday night. She told me she'd be off of work by six, leaving the rest of the night open for us to do whatever. I was to pick her up at her house at 7:30.

A little after six, she called to say that she was being held late at the coffee shop, and asked if I'd meet her there, instead. I drove there and she told me that a coworker had called out and that she (Wendy) would have to stay until seven. She said that she didn't want to hold us up and that we could go out on our date from there.

I told her that I'd be okay meeting up a bit later if she wanted to go home to change first, but she said that she'd be fine heading right out for our date once she was let out at work. She apologized, I told her it was no big deal, and she said that if I wanted to, I could wait there for her to be let out of work. I sat down and waited.

Seven came and went, and she was still behind the counter, taking orders. Around 7:15, I asked her when she anticipated being off of work.

She said, "By 7:30. Promise."

Seven-thirty came and went. She was still there, behind the counter, without a word of explanation to me. At around 7:50, I went up to her again and told her, "If you're going to be held late tonight, we can postpone."

She said, "No! This is our date, and we're going on a date! It's a date night! We're going to go on a date! We'll date, okay? Tonight, we'll have a date. Just be patient! Please? Go sit down."

She sounded pretty upset, so I let it be. She made me feel bad for even saying anything. She seemed stressed and appeared to really feel bad about the situation. It honestly wasn't her fault, and I didn't want her to feel bad, herself. I decided to wait there and not say anything else about it. After all, I had nothing else planned for the night.

Less than 10 minutes later, she brought out a muffin to me and said, "Here! It's for our date! You wanted a date, we're having a date! See? I'm paying for this muffin for you, just so we can have a date! Okay? A date? Are you happy?"

She stormed off, back around the counter. I wanted to follow her to try and calm her down, but I realized that doing so might set her off even more, so I silently thanked her for the muffin and took a few bites.

Moments later, she reappeared, holding a small, lit candle. She stuck it into the muffin and said, "Happy date! Okay? You happy? We're having our date, together! It's a date! Good for us! Good for date!"

She returned behind the counter. I blew out the candle and took it out of the muffin. I waited until she wasn't looking my way, and after a minute, I stood and left.

As I hurried to my car, she exited the shop and followed me, shouting, "Hey! Where are you going? I thought we were on a date!"

I didn't look back, but I made it to my car and drove off, right past her. I had had enough.

A minute later, a text arrived from her: "I just got off work, but I guess you don't care. Have a nice life."

I have, thanks.


30 comments:

  1. I'll have a tall pumpkin spice latte with a shot of borderline personality disorder

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    Replies
    1. Is that from Dunkin Donuts or Starbucks?

      Delete
  2. I do believe she was bluffin' with her muffin.

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    Replies
    1. That was actually in the running for the title.

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  3. I dunno...I think Wendy over-reacted a little, but couldn't the OP cut the poor girl some slack? She was probably all psyched for the date and then her boss came to lord over her and tell her that she had to stay later. Wendy tried to salvage the date because she didn't want to disappoint OP, only to have him walk out on her when she was trying so hard to do her best. Her obvious anger shouldn't have been directed at the OP, but I think she had a right to be angry, given the situation. Should she have postponed the date? Yes, but at least she tried.

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    Replies
    1. If by "over-reacted a little" you mean "over-reacted a whole hell of a lot" and by "tried" you mean "being a nasty bitch" then yeah, I totally agree with your comment.

      Delete
  4. ^ I'm sorry, were reading the same story here? The girl lost her mind. The OP was trying to wait and be patient but she kept putting him off and losing her shit. Look on the bright side though OP, at least you got to nibble her muffin.

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  5. Yeah, Wendy was a total bitch without a doubt. And Anon above is either Wendy or some bitch like her. "I'm upset I have to work late, so I'll take it out on this nice guy I just started dating. He'll understand I'm just having a bad day because the world revolves around me and my feelings." Bitch, please.

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  6. OP is a twat. A little patience goes a long way. Good for Wendy

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  7. Wendy's comment alone, "By 7:30. Promise." was not true and makes her a Grade A lying snatch who deserves a venti sized bold-roast coffee in her snatch to douche the bitchiness out of her!!

    Yes, I'm single.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Really, Howie. I actually didn't think you were. Also, I've been wanting to ask. How did he?

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    2. OK, truthfully Tanette13, I"m not single.
      I mean when you can do pushups with your tongue...well...that also explains my name and how I do it.

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    3. You are beyond awesome! :) (Are we allowed to say nice things to people on this site?)

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    4. OMG, stop cheating on me, tanette!

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    5. Oh, Steve, you know you're my #1!

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    6. Great...I'm your #2...like a shit! That stinks.

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    7. I adore you guys! LOL!

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    8. Oh and by the way, Howie, you're not #2, you're #A.

      Delete
  8. This new "click to read the rest" thing is frustrating. Now I have to open multiple tabs and since it scrolls down to the middle of the story automatically, it messes with the flow.

    Just my two cents. (And I'm sure it has something to do with page views and hits and whatnot, so if it's necessary, whatever.)

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    Replies
    1. Which browser are you using? It shouldn't open up multiple tabs, and when clicked, it should take you right to the right place, the very next line of the story.

      I'm trialing some new features, along with the redesign. Some I'll keep, some I won't. I appreciate any and all feedback.

      Delete
    2. I have to second the dislike of that feature. Sometimes when I miss a few stories I like to read them continuously as I scroll.

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    3. Thirded, I dislike it as well. When I see "click for more" I automatically click it without even starting to read the story, since I like to read the whole story at once, instead of reading a little and waiting for the page to load before I can read the rest. So it's actually annoying for me that it automatically redirects to the middle of the story.

      Delete
    4. My problem is this: I prefer to scroll down the page and read the stories until I get to one I've already read, then I know I'm all caught up.

      But now, I read the first few paragraphs and see "click here to read more" so I middle-click to open that story in a new tab (to finish it) then I keep scrolling to see if there are any other new ones I've missed. After a weekend, for example, I'd have three new tabs opened, each with a new story.

      But those tabs have started in the middle of the story, so when I click over to read them, I can't remember the first part so I have to scroll back up the page ("Oh, it's the one with Chunky Horse...") to figure out which story it is.

      Like I said - it's not a huge deal. But I FEAR CHANGE. :-)

      Delete
  9. Having someone held up at work sucks. This is why I only date homeless women.
    1) They have all the time in the world, and are ready to go on a date in a moment's notice.
    2) They will gladly put out for a cheeseburger.
    3) You can basically just drop them off wherever you want when the date's done!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. SaggyGrandmama: "Hey bitch, wanna go on a date?"

      Homeless woman: "I can has cheezburger?"

      Delete
    2. ^Win! Totally made me snort in the middle of my Algebra class!!!

      Delete
  10. With all these muffin stories, I'm getting a serious craving. THANKS A LOT, JARED!

    ReplyDelete

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