1/11/2013

Just for the Fail of It

Story Sent in by Ryan:

Maria and I met on Match.com and had a lot in common: same college major, the fact that we were both middle children, and the fact that her hometown was two clicks away from mine, even though we both wound up in the same city, across the country. I didn't see another choice: we had to meet.

Meet we did, and at dinner, we caught up a bit and then she said, "Okay, so here goes: I have three big questions for you. Number one: you want kids?"

I nodded. "Yes."

She smirked. "Good. Number two: Coke or Pepsi?"

From kids to Coke? Okay. "Uh... Coke?"

She cringed, then prompted, "Not Pepsi?"

I shook my head. Honestly, it was never a question to which I had given much thought. Not as much as, say, whether or not to have kids. But I felt that changing my answer at that stage of the game would appear wishy-washy, so I stuck to my guns. "Nope. Coke for the win. But I wouldn't refuse a Pepsi."

She sighed, then said, "All right, well never mind on the last question, then."

I said, "No! What's the last question? Maybe I'll have a great answer for it."

She said, "No, you won't."

"Can I at least hear what it was?"

She sucked in all the air around her and let out an A+, 15-second groan. Then, she asked, "Do you prefer regular or Diet Pepsi?"

"That's your third question?"

She rolled her eyes. "See? It doesn't matter. You don't like Pepsi."

"I don't mind Pepsi. If it was presented to me, I wouldn't refuse it."

"Whatever," she said.

I asked, "So how'd I do?"

She said, "You got one out of three right, so not so well. You failed."

"So what does that mean?"

She said, "Let's just have a nice time."

We did, or at least I did. She spent most of the time checking her watch and looking around, like she was hoping for someone to swoop in and save her from such a horrible date. Unsurprisingly, there was no second date.

24 comments:

  1. Was your college major Soft Drink Marketing or something?

    Coke is way better than Pepsi. Pepsi has less cola flavor, tasting like sugar-water, and they aren't even American-owned anymore. I love me some Mountain Dew though (a Pepsi product)!

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    Replies
    1. Bah, Coke is like watered down syrup, sickeningly sweet. Makes my teeth feel chalky .

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    2. Try Coke made with real sugar and not HFCS.

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  2. I wonder what citizens from other countries would make of our versions of Pepsi and Coke, and what I'd make of the US versions.

    I liked Coke when I was a child, but now I like Pepsi more - Coke became really aggressive, all hard bubbles, no taste.

    I hear that US chocolate differs in taste, too.

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    Replies
    1. In the US, high-fructose corn syrup is used in place of cane sugar in many (most) things, due to the abundance of corn, which makes it MUCH cheaper. This does alter the taste of food a bit compared to other countries, and depending on who you ask, it may also affect the nutritional value. I do think it is probably safe to say that generally speaking, foods in the US are far less healthy than many other countries.

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    2. That could be the answer.

      The second thing I wonder about is the salt.
      When I follow the recipe, whatever I'm making ends up being very salty, "I can't believe someone would do this to their cake" salty.
      I don't know if our salt is stronger or if it's the difference in tastes.

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    3. Probably the latter. Refined salt is pretty much just pure NaCl (OK, there's a little sodium iodide in it too), so I'm not sure how the strength could vary.

      What might make a difference, though, is crystal size, since US recipes are typically given by volume, not weight. For example, the same weight of salt is 1 teaspoon of table salt (fine) or 1.75 teaspoons of kosher salt (coarse). Is this the issue, perhaps?

      For the record, I have no reason to suppose that foods in the US are significantly more or less healthful than in any other developed country. What is different is eating habits -- that is, how people choose among the available foods.

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  3. The only pop I want is in my boner...as do most women.

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  4. Usually when people ask "Coke or Pepsi?" they prefer pepsi. I think coke is more widely accepted therefore people assume other people like Coke.

    I feel like that test should have been weighted differently. Maybe 99% for the first question and 0.5% for the next two.

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  5. WTF? Coke or Pepsi...who gives a crap? (we all know Pepsi is by far the superior soft drink) She went form kids to soda....and then gets all pissed off when you don't like Pepsi? (which is just ridiculous, I mean, who doesn't like Pepsi, right?) Don't you think having kids is a little more serious than which soda you prefer? (IT'S PEPSI! PEPSI! PEPSI!)

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    Replies
    1. yeah sounds like a load of balls to me. Lots of cola connoisseurs on here - I didn't even know that was a "thing"

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  6. Pepsi sucks, so did the Op's date. She probably didn't like the way he looked in person and found some way to blame the failure of the date on him. Pssssh!

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  7. Pepsi sucks, so did the Op's date. She probably didn't like the way he looked in person and found some way to blame the failure of the date on him. Pssssh!

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  8. I understand Maria's reaction. I too prefer Pepsi to Coke and get very, very pissed when a potential lover fails to answer the "Coke or Pepsi?" question correctly. I don't give a shit if the dude is on the Fortune 500 and has a 12 incher that can go all night. If he doesn't love Pepsi, he is obviously not worth my time.

    That said, I think nearly everyone on match.com has deep seated emotional problems.

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  9. just think, how would they raise those children in a split household on such an important issue? think of the fighting and the therapy these children would have to endure. it's smart that she just ended it now.

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  10. No. Soda is not the answer. Tea+Lemonade.

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    Replies
    1. gonna give that a crack actually. Love a bit of ice-tea meself.

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  11. The only thing this woman should be putting in her mouth is my throbbing veiny boner, or a shotgun.

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  12. Coke tastes flat to me. It always leaves me with cottonmouth. That said, I prefer Dr. Pepper.

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    Replies
    1. does coke taste flat to you? Does it leave you with a cotton mouth? Do you prefer Dr Pepper?

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  13. Coke tastes flat to me. It always leaves me with cottonmouth. That said, I prefer Dr. Pepper.

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  14. Chunky horse drinks red bull.

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  15. Chunky Horse, or Diet Horse?

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  16. Pepsi overall, but Coke's good too, especially Vanilla Coke.

    But not diet. I HATE diet soda with a vengeance. Just sayin', if a potential lover preferred diet soda, it could be a dealbreaker. ;)

    ReplyDelete

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