1/23/2013

Dracu-lame

Story Sent in by Angela:

Miles had a cold, and instead of postponing our first date, he showed up at the restaurant anyway, looking pretty sick. I told him that I'd be fine rescheduling our date, if he wasn't feeling well. Part of me, though, was irritated that he wouldn't think ahead to cancel. I had spent a bit of time getting ready for it.

He refused to cancel, and we went ahead and had dinner together. We caught up, but he had to blow his nose after almost every sentence. He also had an issue with periods of silence. Namely, whenever there was a natural conversational pause, he'd hum "Born to Be Wild." That was the bulk of our date: 40% talk, 40% nose-blowing, and 20% Steppenwolf.

After our dinners arrived (I ordered fettuccine Alfredo, he ordered toast - at an Italian restaurant), it was harder for him to lay on the classic rock, so at least there was that saving grace.

But then he did something I'll never forget. He took the straw right out of my water, took the straw out of his own water, and stuck them up his nose.

He said, "Look! I'm Dracula!" and cackled.

I smiled to humor him, but I was horrified. I guess I wasn't too good at hiding my disgust, because he grabbed them out of his nose and put them down on the table and said, "Sorry. Just trying to be spontaneous. Even when I'm sick."

I said, "It's okay. Get well soon." I meant it, but I also wanted to get out of there.

After dinner, I suggested that he go home to rest. He agreed that that was a good plan. My goal was to wish him a good night without having to touch him at all, but after he said, "I had a great time," he went for a kiss.

I dodged aside. He went for it again, and then again, until I had to say, "Miles, you're sick! I don't want to catch it!"

He understood. "Sorry. Just trying to be romantic."

Try harder, kiddo. We parted, and soon afterward, I came down with a cold, all the same.

14 comments:

  1. Cut the kid a break. Society has taught him - via Twilight and True Blood - that vampires are irresistable to women. He was just trying to 'glamor' you into bedding (er, coffining) him.

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    Replies
    1. Back in my day, vampires lived in stone castles in eastern Europe and could turn into bats. Today they sparkle, whine, and infect people with colds. As a result, we now have a massive hole in our pantheon of mythic figures.

      We need carnivorous unicorns, and we need them fast.

      Delete
    2. Wish granted Jared. May I present to you......Chunky Horse!

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    3. Best comment ever! Or was that a set up?

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    4. Killer unicorns? Done.

      http://xalwaysdreamx.files.wordpress.com/2011/08/killer-unicorn.jpg

      Delete
  2. How many horns does Chunky horse have?

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    Replies
    1. Quite a few, I hear he's pretty horny.

      *ducking the rotten fruit thrown my way*

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  3. Yeah, I agree the kid was gross but at least he tried. He didn't stand you up even though he came down with a bad cold....Wait sorry, I was trying to defend the guy a bit but I can't. He's just too gross. And he likes vampires which are the lamest monster ever.

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  4. Hahahahahahahahahaha I love everyone comment it hilarous!!!! I'm still laughing hahahahahahahah

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  5. I liked this story, because it is a normal, believable terrible date. Not one of the "totally surreal and wtf" stories. Just a guy with poor social skills.

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  6. Straws in your nose? That's walrus, not Dracula!

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  7. With the 40% nose blowing, when he put the straws up his nose I wasn't thinking Dracula. Could've been a lot worse.

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  8. OP, you should have played along with him by staking him then burying him face-down in hallowed ground.

    ReplyDelete

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