1/18/2013

Do No Charm

Story Sent in by Deborah:

Will and I had already been out on a date together when he invited me to his apartment for a party. He and his two guy roommates, so he said, expected about 30 people.

No one showed up except for Will, his roommates, and another guy, Lloyd, who was introduced to me as a friend of one of the roommates. The guys in the apartment had bought and set out enough food and drinks for about 30, and Lloyd pigged out on all of it. If you've never seen a guy engulf an entire block of Velveeta, let me tell you, it's something to not behold.

Will and his roommates mostly ignored me and played some racing video game in the living room. They only had three controllers, so you guessed it, Lloyd opted to give me his full attention.

"You live here?" he asked as he drank from a bottle of wine, straight-up.

"Nope. I'm here with... I'm with... Will, I guess."

"You his girlfriend?"

Will, nearby, called out, "No. She's available."

That was unexpected, as Will and I had already been on a date, and he seemed to be interested. However, this "party" hardly constituted a second date, as far as I was concerned.

Lloyd then leaned close to me, his breath smelling like cheap wine and cheaper processed cheese product. He asked, "You want to do it?"

I pushed him out of my way, made for the door, and called over my shoulder, "Good night!"

I made it as far as the front of the building when Will came from behind and touched my shoulder. "What?" I said, maybe with a bit too much venom, "You noticed I left your 'party'?"

He sighed, and I thought that an apology was coming.

Instead, he said, "Lloyd's never done it with anyone. You think maybe you could cut him a break? We really think he needs a mercy... you know. He'll treat you well. He's great."

Now it all made sense. I felt so awful, so positively bad for how I had acted... I followed Will back upstairs, reconnected with Lloyd, and Will even let us use his bedroom for the deed.

I'm kidding. It took most of my energy to not slap Will for even suggesting something so disgusting, and I left on the spot.

22 comments:

  1. Good one OP. With the recent string of trashslut and the other one, your 2nd to last paragraph was almost believable.

    But seriously, he'd treat nice! And at least you know Will takes care of his friends.

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  2. Why don't they just hire him a prostitute? It would probably be cheaper than throwing a pretend party for 30 people to lure some unwitting girl to their apartment. Plus, it would actually get their friend laid.

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  3. I get so tired of guys treating women like whores. They are not some shitty video game to be shared with your lazy slob of friend who it too much of a CHUD to get laid. How do guys even think this is remotely ok to suggest? OP, Will was scum and you didn't deserve that. Good story, liked the penultimate paragraph. I just can't dredge up any good humor for this one because I'm so disgusted.

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  4. Hey Op, when you realized that no one else was coming why didn't you leave? Cause you know they could have come up with a plan to have you stayed and done the deed whether or not you like it right? cause it all guys and you are the only girl there. Shesh sometimes I wonder if the people in these stories ever have a brain to use it.

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    Replies
    1. Go back to your home on troll island.

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    2. Interesting, how you unwinona must belittle someone just to make yourself feel better. When i am free to have an opinion just like anyone on this site.

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    3. Blue, I don't quite understand what you are saying in your post. I don't think it seemed automatically menacing. Three of the guys were playing a video game. And when OP felt uncomfortable, she left. I think OP was awesome in how she handled the situation. Just my humble opinion.

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    4. Hmm that true and which post are you refering to

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  5. I can't decide which is worse, Will dating you but being okay with sharing, or Will setting the entire thing up in order to get his gross friend laid.

    Good for you getting out when you did, what a bag of creeps.

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    Replies
    1. I think he went out with her only the the premise to get his loser friend laid. Not only is this guy a creep, but a liar too.

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  6. Will is a bottom feeder impersonation. UGH.

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  7. Why people lead others on false pretenses? I really don't care why but I wish there was some punishing consequence for being a deceitful jerk.

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  8. Who says "pigged out" anymore? I thought that stopped in the 80s...?

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    Replies
    1. Shit. I totally still say that.

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    2. Do you still wear leg warmers and watch Alf??

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  9. I sort of agree with the earlier post that it would be easier for his friends to simply hire a hooker or take him to a bar and set up him set up with some drunk girl. Judging by their approach, however, they are more than likely too stupid to come up with that.

    Sometimes parties get started late so I can understand why the OP might have waited around. However, I doubt with the way any of these idiots acted this evening that any of them got laid with any frequency or if it all. Instead of trying to go out with someone to get your friend laid, why not simply tell him that acting like an ass to women would put him on a good path to not being shut down all the time

    I'm sorry you had to go through that OP. You deserve a whole lot better than that.

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    Replies
    1. This was cheaper than a hooker.

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    2. I think you mean cheaper than an attractive hooker :)

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    3. True it might cost more to get a hooker, but at least if you get one you have a higher guarantee of getting your friend laid rather than what happened here.

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  10. I had to google Velveeta... it looks disgusting.
    Considering the recent stories like sex in a dirty trailer I wouldn't have been at all surprised if the 'joke' paragraph had been true.

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  11. Much like Robocop 1-3, this started out mildly erotic but then got shitty really fast.

    These guys are the taint of society, and I'm sure that once you left they just had a good ol' fashioned circle jerk.

    I mean, who needs a girl when you've got 4 dudes all hopped up on Velveeta and video games?!

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