12/03/2012

Grave Happenings

Story Sent in by Paulette:

Bob told me, during our date, that he had a lot of family members buried in a local cemetery. It made sense, as his family stretched back to when the area was first settled.

He asked me, "After dinner, wanna meet them?"

"Your dead family?"

"Sure."

I said, joking, "Um, not tonight, but maybe some other time?"

"Okay."

I was pretty sure he had been kidding around, but on the day we had planned for our second date, he asked me, over the phone, if I wanted to go the the graveyard to meet his family.

I told him, as nicely as possible, that I didn't really want to do that.

"Why not?" he asked, "They'd want to meet you. If they were still alive."

"Maybe we could just do lunch and a walk through town?" I asked.

"The town of the dead?" he asked hopefully, "That's the cemetery."

"The town of the living. Why don't we do lunch, and it'll be my treat this time, since you paid the last time."

"You know, a trip to the cemetery wouldn't cost you a thing. Dead people don't eat."

"I don't want to visit the cemetery."

"But my family wants to meet you. Or they would, if they weren't dead."

"Bob. No."

He sighed so loudly into the phone that I had to hold it away from my ear. He said, "I'm going to the cemetery. We can do lunch after, if you really want. But if you actually like me, then you'll meet me there. With my family."

I didn't want to meet Bob there, so I ended up having a good part of my day free. I called my friend, Jim, and asked him if he wanted to hang out. I explained the cancellation of my date with Bob.

Jim said, "I'm going to go to the cemetery in a white sheet and freak him out."

"Please don't, Jim. Leave him alone."

But once Jim had an idea in his head, he ran with it. The next time we hung out, he showed me the video he took from his cell phone of himself, in an off-white sheet, charging around the graveyard. The video was bad, and he had taken it from inside his sheet, but there were definitely gravestones involved. Whether he had actually bumped into Bob there and messed with him, I can't say. But maybe Bob deserved it.

10 comments:

  1. Amazing. OP knows not just one arsehole, but two.

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  2. I think Bob is an aspiring necrophiliac and was trying to get Paulette in on his "fetish". It ain't easy digging up corpses by yourself. Trust.

    That or he's a goth/emo kid who popped a boner at a funeral once and keeps trying to recreate the moment.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wow, a necrophiliac who's into incest? That's a pretty specific fetish! I think you've got Bob's number TDYK.

      Delete
  3. OP needs better dates and friends.

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  4. Jim's pretty cool. Not only does he take the effort of getting a sheet, getting in his car, driving to the cemetery, and then film himself running around a cemetery with a sheet over his head for no good reason, he does all this for sake of messing with some guy whom he has never even met.

    Maybe he's a dick, but still, I'd buy him a beer.

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  5. As bad a date as Bob was, he didn't deserve to be messed with in a cemetery. OP needs better friends.

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    Replies
    1. She may need to get a better personality, too. I mean, at the end, it kind of sounded like she approved of what Jim did.

      Delete
  6. Bob kept trying to get her into the cemetery, but she wasn't dying to go!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Was that really the best you could do?

      Delete
  7. I like Jim, date him instead haha

    ReplyDelete

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