12/05/2012

Burn After Meeting

Story Sent in by Doreen:

Phil and I met online in the middle of the summer. He was a confessed beach lover, and our first date was almost at a beach, during the day.

Instead, we settled on a restaurant near a beach, with plans to include a stroll to it after dinner. Phil's skin was so red, it was as if he had fallen into a vat of paint, then been slapped straight for eight hours. It was one of the first things I asked him.

He explained, "My friend Larry and I had a bet to see who could lie longest in the sun without sunscreen." He raised his arms in victory. "Winner!"

I asked, "But aren't you in constant, screaming pain?"

"Doesn't matter. I won."

"What did you win? Money? A vacation? Women?"

He laughed and said, "No. It was just a friendly bet."

"So you sunburned yourself to a crisp for a friendly bet?"

He said, "Well, I got some respect. That's sometimes better than money."

"And always better than skin cancer," I added

He waved a hand at me, dismissively. Yep. I'm just so silly, like that.

I saw him wincing through dinner, and actually felt pretty awful for him. Having a few times experienced mild sunburn myself, I was surprised he could function at all. It seriously feels like your skin is screaming for days. After dinner, we took our walk to the nearby beach.

He said, "I bet I can stand the water longer than you can!"

"You're on."

I thought he had simply meant to wade in, maybe up to our ankles. But he flung off his clothes and jumped in. He called back to me and asked, "Aren't you coming in?"

I replied, ankle-deep in the water, "This is good enough for me."

"Ha! Then I win! I win!"

"Okay. You win."

How he laughed! He clapped and shouted over the waves. "I win! I win! Ha ha ha ha!"

I returned to my shoes and turned back to him. "Ready to go?"

He shouted back, "You go ahead. I'll stay here for a while. Good night!"

That was my only date with Phil. He didn't contact me, and even if he had, his winning style was, I suppose, just too intimidating for the likes of me.

9 comments:

  1. Someone else will have to slap him straight for eight hours.

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  2. Nobody would ever try this in Australia.

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  3. I was waiting for the part where she got to apply a wire brush to his skin, just because he deserved it.

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  4. This wasn't so bad. The dude's competitive? Really, that's it?

    Eh...

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  5. You know he would suck in bed, since he'd make sure to always be the first to finish and "win."

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  6. If i were that burned i'd take any excuse for a swim as well lol

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