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Baktun the Future

Story Sent in by Virginia:

This past summer, I was on a first date at a zoo with Anthony. It was going well, but then, when we made it to the lion pen, he said, "I can't believe it."

"Can't believe what?"

He turned to me and said, "We're doomed. Every major religion predicts the apocalypse for December 21st, so it's going to happen. Now, animals don't have the human capacity for reason, no sense of right and wrong... they just are, as we should've been. But when we disappear, the ones here at the zoo will remain locked in their cages. Don't you think it's the height of conceit that we should want to take them with us, in death?"

Applying all the reason I could, I said, "But the world's not going to end on December 21st."

"I'll prove it," he said, "Mention any religion."

"Taoism," I said.

"Never heard of it. Name another."


He clapped his hands. "Buddha predicted it. Name another one."

"Where did he predict it?"

"Name another one."

"No. Cite your source."

"I said to name another one. You're making me mad!"

"I will once you tell me where–"

He said, "Forget it. You're insane. I love animals," then stormed on ahead of me, toward the pandas.

I didn't follow him, in truth because he kind of scared me, and also because the lions were much better company.


I have the body of a god - Buddha!

He didn't know a thing about Buddha, so I think....*puts on sunglasses*....he was lion to you.


Favorite story, favorite title, favorite everything. Ever.

He didn't do it on porpoise...

Sounds like the only thing doomed...*puts on sunglasses*...was this relationship.


Man, I thought for sure this story was going to turn into a rousing anecdote involving Anthony releasing lions, tigers and bears (oh my!) on the general public. That or one of those "we gotta bang now 'cause the world's gonna end" stories.

Boo, Anthony. You disappoint me.

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