11/28/2012

The Good Man

Story Sent in by Scott:

Audrey asked me repeatedly on our first date if I was a "good man." Each time she asked it, I replied with a variation of, "I think so," but that wasn't enough for Audrey and she kept asking, on average, every five minutes. I guessed that she had been damaged from some prior relationship, and I decided that this would be a one-time meeting.

The day after the date, I sent her a message telling her that I didn't think we were a good match, but good luck out there, all the same. But Audrey didn't want it that way. She called me, sent me emails, and texted me every day for a while. I didn't reply to anything, hoping she'd develop a clue.

But she kept going with it, for almost a solid two months. Each day, I'd receive a phone call, an email, or a text, all referring to what a "good man" I was. I ended up putting parental controls on my phone to block her number, and that gave me some relief, but one day, a little over two months after our date, I came home to my apartment to find about 50 pieces of paper taped to my door, each baring the words, "A GOOD MAN LIVES HERE!" in harsh black ink.

I collected them all and threw them out. I deliberated as to whether or not I should contact her, or the police, but I opted, maybe wrongly, to do nothing. I thought that any reaction would be a mistake, on my part. She'd win, and I didn't want her to win.

She didn't leave any more notes, but not long after that, I came home from work to find her waiting for me right outside the door to my building. She pawed at me as I hurried past her. "You're a good man!" she said, "Why don't I see you anymore, good man?"

I unlocked the entrance to my building and she grabbed my shoulder. I spun around and shoved her away, without a word.

It wasn't a hard push, but she tumbled to the ground and rolled... and kept rolling. It was like she was falling down a hill. She tumbled, rolled, and somersaulted across my building's little front lawn, the sidewalk, and ultimately came to rest in the gutter, where she lay face down, unmoving.

It was amusing to watch her theatrics, but I didn't want her to see my interest, so I hurried inside and made sure that the door was locked behind me.

I figured that she'd follow another resident into the building and come banging on my door, but that didn't happen, and I didn't hear from her again.

15 comments:

  1. Jared, you should create a monthly or all-time nutjob hall of fame, maybe with nominations and voting.

    I believe the OP and feel sorry for Audrey, but I'd love to hear her version.

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    1. I kind of see the entire site that way.

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  2. When you shoved her, you gave her exactly what she wanted.

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    1. Exactly. You were no longer a good man. She won.

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    2. So the entire time she just wanted a push from a good man? Ah..ok.

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    3. Not necessarily that literal, TDYK. I suspect that she is just someone who seeks dysfuntional relationships with men. She was probably abused her whole life, and its the only way she knows how to relate to people/men. When she was shoved, there was some kind of twisted payoff for her.

      With that being said, I am surprised that she gave up so easily, when she demonstrated such stalkerish behavior prior to this...

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    4. I think if that were the case, she would have taken the self defense shove as a sign that they were betrothed and kept up the stalking.

      I just don't think most of these whack-a-dos are as deep and seriously flawed as some people think. There are just garden variety assholes out there. No abuse, no trauma, just born assholes. The way she kept fixating on the "good man" thing leads me to believe she's heard that before and got dumped by said "good man" for being nutty and is now taking it out on every man she encounters.

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    5. Steve, who said she gave up? She's still out there, laying in the gutter.

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    6. I like TDYK's cynicism. It's true too.

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  3. She's lucky she just got a light shove. Chunky Horse would have mule-kicked her cross-eyed...

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  4. Some people have baggage, others carry entire luggage factories on them...

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  5. Where is this Chunky Horse reference from? I keep seeing people refer to it. Was it one of the stories?

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    1. http://www.abadcaseofthedates.com/2012/09/sounds-better-than-whats-at-box-office.html

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  6. She didn't win at all. She put her hands on him after stalking him. She was open-season at that point. I don't believe men should ever push or strike a lady but I do believe everyone has the right to defend themselves against a whacko. He did the right thing by not speaking to her, any other response would be in her favor.

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  7. My take on her behavior was that she was trying to justify an inner conviction that all men are jerks. "All men are jerks" -> OP says he is a good man -> she pushes him until he literally pushes her -> "I was right! All men are jerks! There is no such thing as a good man! What kind of good man shoves a nice girl and doesn't even go over to check on her when she could be lying unconscious in the gutter? I was right! I was right!!!"

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