11/02/2012

Supernaturally Blonde

Story Sent in by Robert:

Towards the end of dinner on our first date, Andrea and I settled on the topic of ghosts. The discussion continued as we walked out of the restaurant and down the street. She asked me if I had ever seen one, and I confessed that I hadn't. Then, she told me that a house she used to live in had been haunted.

"Whyrma," Andrea said, "That was her name. She'd pace the upstairs hall and mutter, 'Whyrma, Whyrma...'"

I was skeptical, and I asked her if she had called any newspapers or TV stations about it, as proof of a ghost would be a big deal.

Andrea said that she hadn't, but that the ghost always gave her dirty looks, as if it was upset with her about something. Andrea theorized, "I think it's because I'm blonde. It didn't have a problem with anyone else, but I was the only blonde living there."

"How long ago was that?" I asked.

She gave me a strange look, then said, "Four years ago... why?"

"I was just curious."

She continued with the strange look and asked, "Why? What were you up to, four years ago?"

I told her the truth. "I was in my first job after college, working in insurance. Really glamorous."

"Uh-huh. Where?"

I replied, "Near Harrisburg, Pennsylvania."

She stopped dead in her tracks. "Oh, my God. I went to Ithaca."

Again with that strange look. But now I was the one feeling a bit odd. I knew that information about her, already, but what did her going to Ithaca have to do with me working in Harrisburg?

Before I could ask, she repeated, "I went to Ithaca... but you knew that, already, didn't you?"

"Be-because you already told me."

She made her fingers into a cross and backed away from me, like I had the plague. She said, "Stay back! You're Whyrma! You followed me here! Oooeeewwww...!"

She wrinkled her face and bared her teeth, like she had eaten something really bitter. Then, without another word, she turned and fled.

I guessed that would be the last I'd hear from her, but just because it had ended so bizarrely, I felt like I wanted to do one last thing, so I wrote her an email that said,

DEAR ANDREA,

WWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

SEE YOU SOON.

WHYRMA


She never wrote back, and it's just as well.

21 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. You say that about everything, Steve.

      Delete
    2. My associate and I are working on the script for Chunky Horse: The Movie. We'll send it your way when finished.

      Working title = Chunky Horse: Unbridled Vengeance.

      Delete
    3. um, jared, he says that because:
      chunky horse IS > everything.

      Delete
    4. I miss my chunky horse, but I'll see mom again soon.

      Delete
    5. ^ hmmm...i didn't know jared had a brother.

      Delete
    6. ouch, he called me a girl. dang misogyny, still alive and kickin on the interwebs.

      Delete
    7. Now children, every time you flame someone on the interwebs, Chunky Horse kills a kitten...

      Delete
    8. BTW, there is no such thing as Natural Selection... there's just a list of things that Chunky Horse allows to live...

      Delete
    9. Bah. I called you "Mom," not "a girl." If you take being called "a girl" as an insult, then that would make you a misogynist.

      I don't really think you are, though. It's just been a while since an 'ol fashioned flame war has hit the site.

      Delete
    10. Won't someone please think of the kittens!!

      Delete
    11. yes, actually my therapist has often told me that i need to stop hating myself.

      (one more kitten down).

      Delete
    12. ^ HAHAHAHA, now THAT'S the ABCoTD comment section I remember! Kittens and Chunky Horses for everyone! Except Jared's mom....

      Delete
  2. I'm sure there is a website out there devoted to ways to get out of a date... These people go to such great lengths of absurdity to express their non-interest.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'd say it's 50-50. Half the stories on here are about people who go to great lengths to end a date with someone they don't like and the rest are just batshit crazy.

      I've never met one person who talked about ghostly encounters that didn't turn out to be a complete whack-a-doo. My theory: ghosts need to be around crazy to exist.

      Delete
  3. That ghost gave her dirty looks because it knew she wasn't a NATURAL blond. Everyone knows ghosts hate brunettes.

    Wow OP, this girl was just nuts! I did like the fact that you sent that last email, messing with her. She totally deserved it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No, they don't hate brunettes, but you were on the right track - they hate coloured hair. Fact.

      Delete
  4. Why is it in an earlier story the OP was chastised for messing with the crazy but yet in this one he's praised for it?


    WTF guys?!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Context northstar.

      If you're talking about the one where he faked proposed, then it's because she did nothing wrong. She simply stated that she would like to get married soon, to whomever. This did not harm, hurt, or injure the OP in anyway. He was just a douche that decided to 'test' her on it.

      In this story the woman is over the top crazy and most likely did this to get out of the date. This one is a lot less socially-acceptable.

      Getting married soon vs. thinking a ghost followed her on a date.... hmmmmm

      Delete
  5. I can't find my kitten....I blame you all.

    ReplyDelete

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