11/08/2012

Federal Offense

Story Sent in by Anthony:

I had been dating Vera for a couple of weeks when I noticed something strange and (seemingly) unrelated: I stopped receiving mail at my house. It would usually arrive while I was away at work, but after a week of receiving nothing, which is highly unusual for me, I took a drive down to the post office and made a report to the local inspector.

That didn't help at all, and so I mailed something to myself and asked my boss if I could work from home over the following couple of days, so that I could figure out what was happening. My boss was cool, and so I set up my stakeout, right by my front window.

The mail arrived that very first day, and I watched the postal worker come and go. I waited and watched.

About a half-hour later, a gold sedan pulled up to my mailbox, and Vera, in sunglasses and a huge hat, jumped out of the car and actually took the mail out of my mailbox.

I bolted out of the house and made it to her car just as she climbed back in. I asked her, "What do you think you're doing?"

She froze, then said, "What are you doing here? You're supposed to be at work!"

I replied, "Why are you stealing my mail? Give it to me!" I advanced on her and stuck out my hand.

She cried, "You're supposed to be at work!" then threw the mail at my face, hopped into her car, slammed the door, and screeched away, nearly hitting me.

I kept up the stakeout for another day or two, just in case she decided to come back, but since then, I've never had disappearing mail, nor have I heard from her.

21 comments:

  1. Federal offense, should have reported her ass.

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  2. It was either identity theft in the making or she just wanted those sweet sweet Burger King coupons you'd been getting.

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  3. It's just her way of showing you how much she loves you!

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  4. But YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE AT WORK!!!

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  5. Report her. Seriously, she's going to be stealing other people's stuff if you let it slide.

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  6. Hey op i have a question if she been stealing your mail where the rest of it? did she return the rest of it? and next time buddy, don't tell anyone your working schedule, nor tell them where you live. that was the dumb part on your end.

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    1. yeah, n00b move there. obviously you should never tell someone you have been dating for weeks where you live or work. don't tell them when you work either. in fact, you should probably even be giving your dates a fake name. maybe wear a mask whenever go out on dates too, just to be the safest.

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    2. I agree with nrrdcore, you should give a fake name and or a fake place you live or work.

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    3. I agree with nrrdcore too, you should definitely wear a mask. Maybe put on a fake voice like Batman. He's the master of disguise and you would do well to learn from him.

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  7. how am i the first one on here to call fake? it's obvious - i mean, since nobody uses the USPS anymore. unless this is 1985.

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  8. This woman is an agent of Chunky Horse, stealing mail under his auspices...

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    1. interesting theory steve.. but that is illogical since we all know chunky horse can't read. he dropped out of the votech school after failing the no equine left behind reading comprehension exams.

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    2. I've seen horses that can count, so surely they can read too!

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    3. yes, but NOT OUR CHUNKY HORSE!!

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    4. BB has been chunky horsed!
      Mission accomplished. High fives all around.

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  9. I remember a story similiar to this one, with the date stealing birthday gifts for days... but he returned when he was confronted.

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  10. I have been reading backwards from current posts for a few days now .. So glad to finally know who or what Chunky Horse is.

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