11/11/2012

Didn't See That Coming

Story Sent in by Dollie:

When I met Kurt in person (we had talked online first) he handed me half a stack of flyers and asked, "Ready?"

I replied, "Ready for what?"

He said, "You're going to help me post these around. We'll do it together. Fun first-date activity."

I looked at the flyers. They advertised a psychic. Not exactly what I imagined us doing on our first date.

"It'll be fun," he assured me, "We'll put them up and then you can take me out to lunch."

I could barely choke out the words. "I can take... you out to lunch...?"

He said, "Well, I came up with the idea to put up flyers together. Seems fair. Don't worry, I don't eat too expensively," and then he winked at me.

I went along with him for a short while and it came out that the psychic was his mother, who apparently discovered that she had psychic abilities within the past year, and was all too ready and willing to market them. I didn't want to put up flyers with him, and I certainly didn't want to be forced into paying for his lunch, but I couldn't figure out a polite way to excuse myself. I was a lot politer back then, and these days, I probably would've told him to shove it.

So we started out together, posting flyers up and down a nearby main road, mostly on telephone poles, but occasionally inside stores that had community cork boards. I fell into the habit of posting up a few on top of each other, like three or four at a time, so that I'd run out of them faster.

When I ran out, he said that he still had a few more to hang up, and asked if I'd go with him to finish posting them. As soon as he finished posting the last one, to a telephone pole on a side street, he turned to me and went for a kiss.

"It's okay," he explained when I pulled away, "My mother said that we'd end up married."

I told him that I didn't think that was in the cards. He replied, "But my mother's a psychic."

I said, "Then I'm sure it'll be okay if I go home, now. After all, if your mother's that good, then no matter what I do, we'll end up married because she said so, right?"

It looked like it took him some pain to work through my logic, but I took that time to turn and hurry away. He called after me to wait, but I didn't.

I'm engaged currently, but not to him.

11 comments:

  1. I think Psychic Mom's vision would have been slightly different had she factored in that her son is a fucking tool who uses his dates as free labor and then demands free meals from them. It's the details that really make accurate psychic readings.

    And has there ever been a man that pulls off a wink in a non-creepy, non-annoying way?

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    Replies
    1. I've seen non-creepy winks, but they're rare, and usually used to indicate he was joking. Not as a come-on.

      Delete
  2. I think he a moron for believing his mother, and op I would have said I will Take you out to lunch but not pay for it, and say to him you said I had to take you didn't say I had to pay there a difference. =p

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  3. You can be polite and still not allow people to waste your time. It's not impolite to remove yourself from being someone else's free labor when you didn't sign up for it. They might try to make you feel like you're being rude, but they were rude to assume in the first place.

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    Replies
    1. Yep. Not only is "No" a complete sentence but it's a polite sentence too.

      But really, you don't need to worry about being polite to someone who's already been rude to you. His insistence that you not only be free labor for him (TheDevilYouKnow is spot on) but that you buy his lunch out of "fairness" is completely rude. Rude is putting it lightly.

      I'm not saying we should all be constantly responding to rudeness with rudeness just that you don't need to come up with a particularly nice sounding response.

      Delete
    2. How about "No thank you"?

      Delete
  4. Technically, his mother said they would end up married, she never said they would be married to each other. She might just be psychic after all.

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  5. I second TheDevilYouKnow, winks are always creepy and the devil is in the details.

    On this guy's next date, he'll get the girl to help him hand out tarot business cards his mom made up. "Oh no! You got the Death to Your Dating Life card!"

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  6. I come here for my bizarre dose of the day and I yet to have to be disappointed.

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  7. I have yet to be disappointed*

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  8. ^What Ria said.

    Kurt may have been a spaz but, had his flyers been for something worthwhile like Charity or Puppy Rescue, and had he not been a tool, he'd get major points for creativity.

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