10/23/2012

The Rules of Enragement

Story Sent in by Benjamin:

On a walk during my first date with Alise, she told me that she wanted to be married before she was out of college (we were both in college at the time, but not at the same place).

After hearing that, I asked her, since, as a senior, she had less than two semesters to go, how she expected to find someone and marry them so fast. I said, "Even if you meet someone special today, you think that you'd be married by graduation? Is that enough time to learn about someone?"

She retorted, "We'd have the rest of our lives to learn about each other."

"So by that logic, you'd say yes to anyone who asked, leaving the learning-more-about-them part to later?"

"Pretty much. I mean, they'd need to be clean and—"

I wanted to test her resolve, so I bent the knee and took her hand, there and then. "Alise, will you marry me?"

She gasped, and I knew I had made an awful mistake. She didn't brush it off, she didn't tell me she was joking all along. She took it seriously. She slapped her cheeks with both hands (to see if she was dreaming?) and bawled, right there, on the street.

"Yes!" she said, gripping my hand as if squeezing an orange to pulp, "Yes! Yes! Yes! Oh, God! Oh, my beautiful, beautiful boy, yes!"

I originally took her as sappy-romance-crazed, but I dropped it down to just, "crazed." I felt awful, and I had to break the engagement.

I stood up and she gave me a colossal hug. I raised my voice over her cries. "Alise, I was only joking. I wanted to see if you were serious, is all. I'm sorry."

Another gasp, this one far less happy. She made a horrified face and asked, "You... you didn't mean it? You're breaking our engagement?"

"I don't think we were actually engaged. This is only our first date."

She slapped me and stormed away. I thought about calling out something rude to her, but opted not to.

Personally, I don't count it as having been engaged, but I've always wondered if she mentions the situation to people as an actual, brief engagement.

12 comments:

  1. Yes, she definitely was crazy. However I think you're a jerk for 'testing' such a serious issue.

    I wouldn't impregnate somebody just to see if they actually were pro-choice.

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    Replies
    1. Agreed. This girl is a bit nutty and doesn't have her priorities straight. But that was cold, OP. Straight up mean.

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    2. Team OP all the way. I love seeing a guy actually put on the spot one of those romance-novel crazies. It's her fault for being an idiot in 2012.

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    3. Stupid or not, OP was still a jerk. Nobody HAS to take advantage of anyone else's stupidity.

      Delete
    4. Whoa, what happened to my account?

      Delete
    5. Er... Used the wrong email address. I'm the "Unknown" poster.

      Delete
  2. In fairness, on a first date (before even a first kiss), I don't think he could seriously think that she'd react that way.

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  3. I understand the joking nature of it but the worst thing you can ever do is play into the delusions of someone who is slightly not all there.

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  4. She went to college to get her MRS degree.

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  5. Never play with the crazies...

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  6. JMG - just a note on the new blog layout. There's no longer any way to easily navigate from one permalink to the next. There used to be the 'Previous posts' down the right but they're gone.

    With the new layout, I have to go out of one post, onto the home page, scroll down, and then go into the next one. And repeat.

    It's not nice to browse through the posts and I like to be able to read the comments.

    One option is to have a 'Next post / Previous post' link at the top of the page.
    Thanks.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for the note. On my screen (I'm using Firefox) they're still there, just below the ad. Check again?

      Delete

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