10/26/2012

Imagine This Guy Building a Bridge

Story Sent in by Carolyn:

I met Dean off of Craigslist (I know, I know, I know) and he showed up to our restaurant date wearing a macaroni necklace. I was in my early 40s, he was in his mid-40s. When I asked him about the necklace, he said, "I made it earlier today."

I asked, "At work?" He had told me, via email, that he was a structural engineer.

He nodded. "I made them with my second graders."

"There are a lot of second graders in structural engineering?"

He replied, "I substitute-taught today."

Just to make sure I had things straight, I said, "So you're an engineer and you sub? That must keep you pretty busy."

He looked away, like he was trying to figure something out, then said, "Yeah, I substitute... I substitute teach...? Wait, I... hmmm."

He put his hands palm-down on the table, then pressed down hard on them.

"Structural coefficients faulty," he muttered, "Table not sound. Energy down. Energy down. Energy... energy... energy..."

He trailed off and stared into space. I leaned in, a bit frightened, and asked, "Dean? You okay?"

At that moment, the waitress came by to ask for our drink orders. I ordered a Pepsi. When she turned to Dean, she asked him, "And you, sir?"

He exploded at her, "Energy!"

She cried out and cringed back. He then stood up and said to me, in an apologetic tone, "I should go," and then he left, squeezing my shoulder as he passed, on his way out.

The waitress and I exchanged confused looks. I apologized to her, explained the situation, told her I'd still take the Pepsi, and ended up leaving her a colossal tip.

Never any further word from Dean the "engineer."

4 comments:

  1. Possibly the best first line I've read in a while. Thanks.

    ReplyDelete
  2. See, that's why Ripley never dated Ash.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Poor Dean. Being a pathological liar is not for the weak. Energy!!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Carolyn, are you a cougar? I like cougars...

    ReplyDelete

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