10/28/2012

Combined Offer

Story Sent in by Lupe:

John handed me a sealed white envelope shortly after we met in person for the first time. He said, "Don't open it until after we part ways, tonight." I put it aside, although remained curious about what was in it.

Over the course of the date, he regaled me with tales about his habit of breaking into people's houses but not stealing anything. He'd just move furniture around slightly or turn pictures upside-down, just as a joke.

It was while he was telling me these stories that I realized that we probably wouldn't be a good match. At the end of supper, when he told me that he wanted to see me again (I don't know why: I hardly had a chance to say anything between his stories), I told him, point-blank, that I didn't think we had much in the way of chemistry.

He seemed bummed about it, but otherwise took it well. We hugged each other and parted ways.

Once I was back in my car, I opened up the envelope and took out its contents: a certificate of achievement for completing a successful first date, a coupon for a second date, and a coupon for $5 off a dildo belt at a local sex shop. Thanks...

12 comments:

  1. I was expecting the envelope to contain something he'd stolen from your house, just to prove that he could.

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    Replies
    1. Or pictures of the inside of her house... *shudder* Creepy...

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    2. That's exactly what I was thinking Northstar, I'm glad it was just something sleazy rather than creepy.

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  2. Why on earth would you hug each other when parting ways like this? Strange.

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  3. Was John a member of the Manson family? Who breaks in to people's houses just to rearrange things? Bragging about it on a date no less is even more bizarre.

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  4. You know that certificate of achievement means nothing if you give it to her at the beginning of the date.

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  5. I'd totally get that certificate framed so you can hang it on the wall next to your collection of dildo belts.

    Wow OP, this guy was completely creepy.

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  6. I get the feeling this guy thinks he's a ~wild and crazy guy~ who thinks he's soooo clever, but is really just trying way too fucking hard to be "quirky" and "charmingly unpredictable".

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  7. There is actually a movie (the Edukators)where people break into houses and just move stuff around

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  8. Wait... they give coupons at sex shops?

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  9. The certificate and first coupon could have been cute i guess... then he went for the belt lol

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  10. A dildo belt? You mean, like, a strap-on? Or like an actual belt that you holster dildos into?

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