10/09/2012

And Thus He Remains on the Hunt

Story Sent in by Michelle:

A friend of mine set me up with Jon, a hunter who was really proud of his trophies. He took me to his lodge and showed me the moose he had bagged. Three big heads were mounted on his wall.

He said that I should go hunting with him sometime. I told him that perhaps I would.

He then asked me to hold, "the reaper," a rifle he claimed to have used to bring down all of this big game.

I declined. He then opened a cabinet and pulled out a machete that looked like it hadn't been washed from years of gutting. He swung it around a few times, then asked if I wanted to hold it. Again, I declined.

He then put his big knife down and left the room. As I looked at his various hunting awards and certificates, I wondered at their shoddy quality, as if they had all been printed from the same crappy dot matrix printer.

He returned with his pants around his ankles and his penis hanging out, all done up in a white, frilly bow, like a little sausage on a doily.

"Ulp, okay," I remember saying, and then I was out of there. What the hell else was he expecting?

6 comments:

  1. I'm a woman who hunts game and I love my second amendment rights but on a first date keep the weapons and the penis under wraps. On the flip side, if you were packing he probably wouldn't have shown the little general.

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  2. It works 2 out of every 3 times...

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  3. Gr I meant to say, "OP it sounds like your friend kind of sucks."

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  4. What WAS the reasoning behing putting the fancy bow-tie on the One Eyed Emperor? What does the One Eyed Emperor even have to do with hunting? This guy is the Emperor of the Crazy Empire

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  5. Google The Sleeping Scotsman.

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  6. "Three big heads were mounted on his wall."
    "He swung it around a few times, then asked if I wanted to hold it."
    "He then put his big knife down..."

    I'm sorry, but it's just so easy to pick out these phrases.

    ReplyDelete

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