9/03/2012

Laborious Day

Story Sent in by Diane:

James and I had already been out on one date together, and it was a short but good time spent at a local coffee shop. For our second date, he asked me over to his house for a barbecue. Some of his friends would be there, he said. I was nervous, but looking forward for a chance to give his friends a good impression of myself.

When I arrived, I found James in the back, sitting in a lounge chair with a beer in each hand. Only one other guy was there, in a similar position, joking and laughing with James around an electric grill.

James barked, "Hey, there she is!" He leaned as if to stand up, but then flopped back down like I wasn't worth the effort to embrace. He turned to his friend and said, "Hey, here she is!"

"All right," said the other guy, "I'm hungry."

James reached into a plastic grocery bag next to his lounge and held a wrapped package of steak in my direction. "Would you mind cooking for us?"

The other guy laughed and I felt my face go hot. James went on, "If you do, I'll give you some nookie later."

The other guy whistled. I felt extremely uncomfortable and said to James, "Hey, can we talk for a minute, away from... er..." I was hoping that James or his unnamed friend would jump in with the guy's name, but neither of them volunteered the information, so I finished with, "...can we go talk?"

James said, "Once the grilling's done. Can't wait!" He put the package of steak down, leaned back in his lounge, stretched out, and closed his eyes.

His anonymous friend did the same, and then, with his eyes closed, said, "Think she'll give me a lap dance?"

James replied, "Probably. Once she's done grilling. If she wants any steak, herself."

I turned and left. They must've actually fallen asleep in the morning sun, because an hour and a half later came James's text, "Where'd you go?" I didn't respond.

6 comments:

  1. Wow. Not only does he expect you to cook for him, he expects to pimp you out to his friends as well. What a jackass. At least he showed his true colors early.

    Just think though what you missed out on. Cooking and performing a strip show for him and his friends only to be rewared by lackluster sex with someone who only cares about himself. Good move ditching him.

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  2. Sorry, too over the top. I expect the real story was more along the lines of "I invited Diane over for a barbeque, even though we'd only been out on one date so far. I thought it'd be a fun way for her to meet some friends. She showed up early, and only one of my friends had shown up so far. She must have thought I'd invited her for other reasons, because she insisted that she wasn't going to get into any three-ways. I told her he was just a friend, and he was the first of many to show up, that this wasn't a date, it was a get together. The real trouble came when I began to grill the steaks. She told me she didn't want it rare because she hates when it's oink in the middle, but she didn't want it grey in the middle either. When I asked if she'd like to handle grilling her steak, she stormed out, yelling that she wasn't a kinky sex maid slave girl. Dodged a bullet there."

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    Replies
    1. Are you James? If so, just send a rebuttal email already.

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  3. OP should have taken the steak home her.

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  4. James and UNF are the reason women write "Where are all the nice guys?" on dating sites, but like D R I'm not convinced anyone could be such a douche to someone they barely know (intentional qualification).

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  5. I believe it. Considering the shocking date I went on the other night...

    Yes Jared I'll submit it for you soon.

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