9/08/2012

Alcohol Licks

Story Sent in by Dominic:

Felicia and I met for drinks at a local pub for our first date. We sat at a table, ordered and received our drinks. Although the bar was dimly lit, she still noticed–

"You have a cowlick," she said, "on the back-right side of your head."

Instinctively, I pressed my hand to that part of my hair and felt around for the offending strands.

She said, "No, it's more, no, try... ugh!" She liberally dipped four fingers into my vodka tonic, reached over, and rubbed her wet hand against the side of my head.

"That's better," she said.

"Thanks," I replied.

Then, she sighed. "Are you going to be all weird, now that I've had my hand in your drink?"

I hesitated. It was a little weird to put your hand into someone's drink, for whatever reason, but I didn't think it was that big a deal. Then again, who knows where her hand had been...

Before I could reply, she answered for me: "I knew it. You think it's weird. You think my hand's gross, like it's been in some kind of herpes vagina."

"Herpes... what? No, I don't think that." To put my money (or my beverage) where my mouth was, I took a sip of my drink.

"Gross!" she said, as I set the glass down, "You really just did that?"

"Should I not have?"

She replied, "No, I mean, my hand's clean, but still. I can't believe you trusted me."

"Should I not trust you?"

"Should I take your glass, go fill it with toilet water, and come back here? And you'll drink it? You're a doormat, man!"

"I was thirsty."

She gave me a long stare, and I took the opportunity to have another sip of my drink. Felicia shook her head and said, "Whatever. Don't think this'll work out." She raised her glass to me, as if she wanted me to toast it. I didn't, and she drank it all on her own. She left shortly thereafter.

4 comments:

  1. I've been reading this blog for awhile. It really surprises me the level of crappy behavior individuals who are on dates with people they don't really know will put up with. This girl put her fingers in your drink to fix a supposed hair issue. a)She's superficial if she brought it up due her intolerance of it and b)she put her fingers in your drink. At the bare minimum she has bad manners.

    First dates are about making a good first impression. Count your losses and move on if they display bad behavior. It can only go downhill if you continue on with it.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I know a couple who met when the man was a newly-hired manager in the woman's office. The woman was living with a bunch of single women and invited the man to a party they were having. When she offered him a martini, he said sure, so she went back to the kitchen to make it. After a minute or two, he went into the kitchen himself, and found her stirring his drink with her finger.

    I owe my existence to the fact that my father did not let this keep him from dating my mother, so I feel I have to stand up for guys who let women put their hands in their drinks. I feel 100% confident my mother would not have made the "herpes vagina" comment, though, so if you want to use that as a screening mechanism that works for me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm glad things worked out for your parents. In my own opinion using your fingers for eating or kitchen utensils is a deal breaker. I guess if you like someone enough I could how it might not be. As for myself, I guess I'm just that shallow.

      Delete
    2. "using your fingers for eating or kitchen utensils is a deal breaker"

      In my own opinion, using a knife and fork to eat a chicken leg, a snickers bar, a hamburger or any number of other foods would be the deal breaker.

      Delete

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