8/12/2012

Sometimes, a Rose Is Just a Schmuck

Story Sent in by Wallis:

When I first encountered Gerald, in front of a local hockey rink, where he had arranged for us to meet, he smelled like he had taken a bath in women's perfume. The rink was just outside of the main part of town, and we had planned to do dinner together, but standing within 10 feet of him was like having someone stuff three pounds of rose petals up each of my nostrils. It was hard to breathe.

He noticed. "What's wrong?" he asked.

I coughed, "I'm sorry, your... cologne..."

He laughed. "That's not cologne. You like it?"

I coughed a few more times, trying not to appear too sensitive, but I'm not sure what he was thinking in the first place. He smelled like a funeral parlor.

"Come here," he said, then gave me a big hug, pressing me to his chest.

It was overwhelming. I couldn't take it, and I shoved him away.

"What the hell's your problem?" he barked, then screamed, "Did you hear what I asked you? I asked you a goddamn question! What the hell's your problem?"

I yelled, "Your perfume is making me choke, asshole!"

"It's not perfume!" he shrieked, then ran away. I was so shaken that I went inside the rink to sit down for a little while, then called a couple of friends to come hang out. I was afraid that he'd come back, but he didn't.

9 comments:

  1. Besides the part about the freaking out, I always wondered what causes women to wear too much perfume... My lady doesn't wear any, that is preferred.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The person wearing it usually can't smell it, so they assume no one else can, and put more on.

      Delete
  2. Wat is it with all the hugging on the first date? Is this standard protocol for a first time encounter? I only hug friends or family.

    Please can someone enlighten me...

    Ben
    South Africa

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have no idea. I'm reading through the archives and I don't understand why so many dates begin with hugging complete strangers.

      I'm from the US. Maybe this is a regional thing? In any case he had no right expecting her to be OK with the hug, especially after complaining about his smell.

      Delete
  3. not sure if anyone noticed but it was the guy wearing too much cologne not the girl...2nd off, actually, there is a disease, not sure of the name, to when a man, or i'm assuming a woman as well sweats, it emits a sickly sweet smell, like roses. its sometimes overwhelming.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There are medications and herbal supplements that will make your sweat smell bad as well.

      Delete
    2. Maybe I am the only one who noticed... they were both men...

      Delete
    3. Wallis is a woman's name.

      Delete
  4. "What the hell's your problem?" he barked, then screamed, "Did you hear what I asked you? I asked you a goddamn question! What the hell's your problem?"

    This would have gotten all of his GODDAMN teeth smashed out!

    ReplyDelete

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