Can't Get it Up

Story Sent in by Charlie:

I asked Laura out on an unusual first date: kite flying. She wrote, "I haven't flown a kite since I was a kid! I love it!" Score, I thought. I didn't own a kite, but it was cheap enough at my local toy store. I offered to pick one up for her and she told me to "surprise her" with the kite I chose for her.

I picked out one with a green dragon image and a yellow and red spiky tail that trailed off the kite. The one I picked out for her was a wavy rainbow design on a field of black. When I presented it to her in the park in which we had agreed to meet, she very nearly squealed, and hugged it to herself. What a great idea for a date, I thought. This will be great.

My kite took off without much of a problem. There was a light wind, and I sailed it up pretty high.

Laura's kite slammed against the ground repeatedly. I offered to help her, as I noticed that she was jerking the string around too much. She replied, "It's like riding a bike! I'll figure it out."

Well, my dragon swooped and dove and careened through the sky. It was my intent that we'd fly kites, talk, then grab some lunch. I noted, however, that Laura couldn't seem to work out her kite. It crashed and crashed and crashed again.

I offered once more to help, and she said, gruffly, "I think I'll get it by myself, thank you."

At one point it sailed up, and I was overjoyed that she had finally worked it out. Then, once more, it slammed into the ground. Laura groaned loudly, stomped over to it, threw it into the sky, and screamed, "Fly, damn it!"

It didn't. She scooped up the kite, dumped it into my hands, and said, "Thanks for the defective kite, asshole!"

She stared at me, and I wasn't sure if she was expecting an apology out of me for the "defective" kite, or if she was just completely nuts. I opted to reel in my kite, set it down, pick up hers, and set it aloft.

The first try, it hit the ground, and she laughed. The second time, it sailed up high, and she shut up. I handed her the spool and she grabbed it from me. She jerked it around, and it smashed against the ground a moment later. I couldn't stifle a laugh. She threw her spool down, then said, "I'm done with kites. You ready for lunch?"

I was ready for lunch, but I was done with her. "I don't really sense a connection, here," I said, and that was essentially that.