Story Sent in by Mariano:
At some point during one of our many, many conversations, I let slip that I didn't like clowns. They don't terrify me, but I just think that they're pointless and never as funny as they try to be. I remember telling Deb, "There are much easier ways to get someone to laugh than to dress up in giant rainbow shirts, floppy shoes, and freaky makeup."
Well, the day on which we were supposed to have our sixth date, I had a lousy day at work and I called Deb up before the end of the day to tell her so. "I'm in a crappy mood," I said, "And I don't think I really want to go out tonight. Will that be okay?"
Deb sounded disappointed. "I'm sure I can cheer you up," she said, "Are you sure you don't want to get together?"
I knew that if anyone could cheer me up, she could. Still, I just wanted to be alone, and I didn't want my bad mood to rub off on her, especially so freshly into the good thing we had going on. We postponed, I apologized multiple times, she said that she understood, and that was that.
Not too long into my evening of beer and video games, my doorbell rang. I looked through the peephole and saw a clown on my front porch. A giant tent of a shirt, curly purple wig, floppy shoes, and yes, freaky makeup were included. I stared through the peephole for the longest time, trying to figure out who it was and why they were there. The best guess I had was that he was there for a kid's birthday party and had arrived at the wrong house.
I was, as mentioned, in a bad mood. I also mentioned that I don't like clowns. Without thinking too much about it, I went around to the back of my house where I had a gardening hose all coiled up. I uncoiled it, turned on the water, prowled around the side of my house, and soaked the clown to pieces.
The clown nearly fell over, shouted, and ran off my lawn and down the sidewalk. It made me feel so much better, as if fate had dealt me a truly once-in-a-lifetime circumstance, and I had taken full advantage of it. I went back inside to continue my lonely night. My phone rang. It was Deb.
"Why the hell did you soak me?"
Oops! Deb was the clown. She had decked herself out in a misguided attempt to cheer me up. Luckily, she had taken it well, and she had probably cheered me up the only way that I could have been cheered up at all. We're still together, but thankfully, there have been no clown antics since.