5/23/2012

Turn that Clown Upside-Down

Story Sent in by Mariano:
Deb and I had been out on five dates together, and things were going great. She really seemed to like me, I liked her, and a relationship appeared inevitable.

At some point during one of our many, many conversations, I let slip that I didn't like clowns. They don't terrify me, but I just think that they're pointless and never as funny as they try to be. I remember telling Deb, "There are much easier ways to get someone to laugh than to dress up in giant rainbow shirts, floppy shoes, and freaky makeup."

Well, the day on which we were supposed to have our sixth date, I had a lousy day at work and I called Deb up before the end of the day to tell her so. "I'm in a crappy mood," I said, "And I don't think I really want to go out tonight. Will that be okay?"

Deb sounded disappointed. "I'm sure I can cheer you up," she said, "Are you sure you don't want to get together?"

I knew that if anyone could cheer me up, she could. Still, I just wanted to be alone, and I didn't want my bad mood to rub off on her, especially so freshly into the good thing we had going on. We postponed, I apologized multiple times, she said that she understood, and that was that.

Not too long into my evening of beer and video games, my doorbell rang. I looked through the peephole and saw a clown on my front porch. A giant tent of a shirt, curly purple wig, floppy shoes, and yes, freaky makeup were included. I stared through the peephole for the longest time, trying to figure out who it was and why they were there. The best guess I had was that he was there for a kid's birthday party and had arrived at the wrong house.

I was, as mentioned, in a bad mood. I also mentioned that I don't like clowns. Without thinking too much about it, I went around to the back of my house where I had a gardening hose all coiled up. I uncoiled it, turned on the water, prowled around the side of my house, and soaked the clown to pieces.

The clown nearly fell over, shouted, and ran off my lawn and down the sidewalk. It made me feel so much better, as if fate had dealt me a truly once-in-a-lifetime circumstance, and I had taken full advantage of it. I went back inside to continue my lonely night. My phone rang. It was Deb.

"Why the hell did you soak me?"

Oops! Deb was the clown. She had decked herself out in a misguided attempt to cheer me up. Luckily, she had taken it well, and she had probably cheered me up the only way that I could have been cheered up at all. We're still together, but thankfully, there have been no clown antics since.

22 comments:

  1. You come off as a total psycho for turning the hose on someone who'd done nothing to you but ring your doorbell. Deb must be the most forgiving woman in the world.

    ReplyDelete
  2. So, anger management issues, inability to self-regulate your moods and assault. Yep, you are vile.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Yeah, sorry, I don't care HOW much you don't like clowns, it's NOT OK to just decide to turn your hose on them. What a jagoff... For all you know, they could have several other parties to go to, with no change of clothes. This may be their sole source of income. Or you could soak their expensive cell phone... are you prepared to purchase them a new one?

    Unless you knew it was her all along, and were just counter-pranking her, you do indeed come across as a pyscho.

    In other news, why is this date so eerily similar to:

    http://www.abadcaseofthedates.com/2011/12/everybody-likes-clown.html

    Why are there whole subsets of women running around and dressing like clowns to intentionally annoy people who don't like them?!

    ReplyDelete
  4. You sound like a jerk, bad day at work or not. You don't go around soaking people with a hose you don't know. You even suspected it could have been someone at the wrong house, trying to go to a party, and soaked them anyway!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Also, I know this is going to make me seem like a Neanderthal, but canceling a date because you had a bad day at work isn't very manly. If my husband called me with that message, I'd ask him if he had menstrual cramps too.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Men have feelings too. Women should be sensitive to men; and vice versa.

      Delete
    2. Nothing wrong with cancelling the date if hes in a bad mood, sometimes its better not to inflict a bad mood on others.

      However, soaking a total stranger just because they rang your doorbell is a total douche move, not to mention a good way to get a punch in the face.

      Delete
  6. Dude, what is your problem? Soaking somebody for ringing your doorbell is eventually going to get your ass kicked - quite deservedly so. (I hope it's by a clown.)

    ReplyDelete
  7. I hope it's this clown

    http://www.culch.ie/images/It001.jpg

    ReplyDelete
  8. Ohhhh...pooor baby...had a tough day...in a bad moood....didn't want to go out and would rather spend time playing video games and putting back beers....what the fuck?

    She may of been the clown, but the OP is the real joke here.
    She should have seen the red flags and got away from this douche for good.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Wow, you guys are harsh. I liked the story, myself and I'm glad they're still together. :)

    ReplyDelete
  10. OP practically painted shooting target on himself by submitting this story. Not that makes him of less of an ass. Just idiot ass.
    I second steve, this story has distinct flavor of plagiarism. I think he wrote this story for the purpose of being able to say I hosed the clown.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Distinct flavor of plagiarism and embellishment.

      Delete
  11. ahhh, so no one mentions the lack of respect for OP. I see. The fact that he does not like clowns and had even previously told this to his date means nothing. He might also have been understating his disdain, perhaps he has a real fear or phobia and didn't want to come across as weak or childish.

    And yet "Deb" still dressed up like a clown.

    OP also wanted to be left alone, yet "Deb" insisted on coming over.

    She's lucky all she got was the hose.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. But OP didn't know it was Deb! (He specifically states this in his story.) If he did, his behavior would be justifiable. Instead, he just turns his hose on a random stranger, for no reason other than he doesn't like the way they're dressed. That's a dick move.

      Delete
  12. You dress like a clown, you're asking for a soaking. Next case.

    ReplyDelete
  13. So a clown got wet. Why is everybody making a fuss?

    Nobody complains when I get wet in the shower.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I do. Please keep your windows closed.

      Delete
    2. You are all cold-hearted!

      Delete
  14. She was weird, but you're the worst!

    ReplyDelete
  15. You're lucky this girl will date a guy who would hose down someone he thinks is the entertainment at a child's birthday party! Treat her well. In fact, marry her before she comes to her senses!

    ReplyDelete

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