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5/15/2012

'Tis Better to Be Beard than Loved

Story Sent in by Thomas:

"I'm not like other girls," Rose warned me in one of our first online communications, "A lot of things about me are kind of more guy-like than girl. I don't mean physically."

Glad for that, I discovered that she meant more with regards to interests and sex drive, at least according to her. She liked taking computers apart, was a sports fan, and was also an aspiring glassblower. We spoke for a good bit, then went out on a first date.

Whoa, she had a beard. That was not a feature in her profile photos. I'm not talking Santa Claus here, but it was thicker than a typical woman's facial hair. It was a fair-colored patch that extended from her chin to right below her nose. She resembled my father, in fact.

"Hey," she said, giving me a hug, "How've you been?"

Our online conversations had gone well, but, as superficial as it sounds, I didn't want to kiss her or do anything physical with her at all. I mean, she had more facial hair than I did, for crying out loud. Still, I didn't want to end things before they had begun, and maybe it wasn't a bad idea to give her the benefit of the doubt. Maybe there was a rational explanation, although I couldn't figure one out, for the life of me.

So we had dinner, then drinks, and then I wound the evening down. As we walked down the sidewalk, she said, "I'd like to see you again."

"You're a lot of fun," I said, stalling, "Definitely keep in touch."

"Would you like to get together again?" she asked, making it harder for me to avoid. Thing was, I didn't know. She was fun. But she had a beard.

I replied, "Yeah, we can hang out."

That wasn't the answer it seemed like she wanted. She asked, "Well, is everything okay?"

"I–"

"Is it this?" she rubbed her hairy face up and down.

"Yeah... well, I mean, it's... it's a little, well, it's sort of..."

She let me flounder around for a few more seconds before she said, "It's not my fault. It's a curse. And it'll only get thicker as time goes on."

"Can you shave it?"

"All razors break upon it."

"Oh."

So we're still friends. Acquaintances. Occasionally in touch. Seldom in touch. Less and less in touch.

13 comments:

One more guy who looks only at appearances. So fine you didnt want to do anything physical. Whats wrong with staying friends?
And as for her explanation of the beard. I bet she just gave that response on purpose. Obviously the guy was a goner so what did she have to loose?

I'm with you, for the most part. Different people have different hang-ups: some people draw the line at how much money their potential partner makes. Some at weight. Some at intelligence. Some at physical attractiveness. I agree that there's nothing wrong with staying friends. But in his defense, if he doesn't want to kiss someone who has a beard, then I don't think that's so outlandish.

Was there a full moon that night?

You know, I once accidentally ended up on a date with a transexual from OKcupid. (In my defense, the pictures were VERY misleading.) I did pretty much the same thing the OP did, except that I just ditched after the "Let's keep in touch" comment and never spoke to s/he again. And I was totally justified in doing so, because this asshole had totally wasted my time and emotional investment.

When it comes to online dating, most reasonable people consider unexpected pieces of anatomy (penises, extra nipples, beards, etc) dealbreakers that should be revealed beforehand. Not doing so is a dick move and is generally indicative of a horrible human being.

Damn...I can't get over being with somebody who has a hair coming out of a mole on their face!
This is why I broke it off with Cindy Crawford suddenly one day...she let herself slip and it grew through. I couldn't take it! I see the OP's side 100%

If there's no attraction then there's no attraction, whatever the reason. It's just that in this case, the woman could tell what the reason was.

With all the technology available today, I'm 100% positive there's a way to take care of that hair, if she really thought it was a priority (and obviously shaving is not the way)

patch that extended from her chin to right below her nose.
How's that possible? There might be more going on than op let on. Her chin was above her nose? Was she a witch?
In that case I am with OP.

What I want to know is whether she still has the beard, and whether it is indeed growing fuller and thicker.

To any woman who thinks this is unfair (and it is, to a certain degree), it's almost exactly the same as a man with a 38DD bust size. Facial hair is a secondary sex characteristic in men, just like breast are for a woman. So a woman with a beard is, to a heterosexual man, exactly what a man wearing a cross-your-heart is to a heterosexual woman.

"One more guy who looks only at appearances."

Give the guy a break - he said he thought she was fun and liked her but couldn't get past the beard. Not so very unreasonable. Never been put off by a guy's fat gut, or huge nose, or baldness?

"Whats wrong with staying friends?"

Because that's not what dating is for. Think how unwieldy it would be to have to keep in touch with everyone you ever went out for a few drinks with. If you're not attracted, for whatever reason, you move on.

Trying to keep up a platonic friendship with someone who wants more is painful and awkward even in the best of circumstances. Imagine how much worse an already bad situation would be with the added element of a physical trait which will bring ridicule and stares if they appear in public together. Remember, she chooses not to shave it off, so any negative effects on her social life are her own choice.

OP should put her on a scale to see if she weighs the same as a duck, which would indicate that she's made of wood, and therefore a witch.

Isn't there, like, laser surgeries one could get? And how could they break blades, what are they, adamantium hairs?

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