5/24/2012

A Squirrel Crushin', Deer Smackin', Driving Machine

Story Sent in by Carrie:

Ed had picked me up from my apartment on our second date. He had planned to take me to dinner and a club a few towns away. The fastest way there, typically, was the highway, and he pulled onto it.

"Oh, no... no, no, no, no, no, no, no!" he yelled.

Traffic. Lots of it. Bumper to bumper. He coasted to a stop, and there we sat. He groaned.

"It's okay," I said, "If it doesn't clear up by the next exit, we can get off there and take local roads."

"It's not okay. This is a date. I am hungry."

"I'm hungry, too, but–"

"Well, that settles it."

He pulled onto the shoulder and shot us down, past the traffic.

I gave him a frown. "Ed? Uh, Ed?"

He pulled off the highway and off-roaded it into an embankment, and up a hill toward a nearby local road. His car couldn't make the incline, though, and so it skidded and we rolled back a little bit before he reversed it so fast that I screamed. He then drove down through the embankment, in the opposite direction of the facing traffic on the highway, until he found some flatter ground. He then cut in front of a few other drivers on the local road, made a u-turn, and continued onto the local road.

"You almost killed us," I chided him.

"Almost," he grinned, "It's okay. There were no kids in the car and you're not pregnant. Are you?"

"No! That was insanely stupid."

He slowed the car down, made a right onto a residential street, and pulled over. He asked, "Do you want children?"

"I–what? What does that have to do with this?"

He grumbled and said, "All right, then I'll take you home. I owe you that much, I guess."

Without a word, I jumped out of his car and called a friend to pick me up. Nothing could convince me to spend one more minute in that potential deathtrap with him.

6 comments:

  1. You sound like a pain in the ass.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Can't really blame the OP for actually caring about her own personal safety.

    ReplyDelete
  3. How the date should have gone:
    *Couple gets stuck in traffic. While waiting, they find the have a mutual love of Metallica and Doctor Who. Couple make it to dinner late, have a great time, live happily ever after.*

    How the date went:
    *Guy is an asshole, almost kills them both with bad driving, propositions girl, and is bewildered when she wants nothing to do with him.*

    ReplyDelete
  4. Well maybe American girls get into a guy's car and act like Queen for a Day.

    Seriously...? What kind of spoiled suburban brat comes out with this gem: "It's not okay. This is a date. I am hungry" ?

    Because it's a date the guy is responsible for the state of the freeway? I'm glad he drove like a lunatic. He probably wanted to get rid of her.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The guy said that, not the girl. This is implied in the prior paragraph's usage of "I said."

      Delete
  5. Well, crud, now that you point that out, the story makes a lot more sense.

    Forgive me, OP. You did not act like a pain in the ass. You are an innocent victim of a highway lunatic.

    ReplyDelete

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