4/26/2012

Weaseling Out

Story Sent in by Dave:

Leigh and I had been talking over dinner and had hit a conversational lull. She shot several dark looks at me from across the table, which I thought was surprising, as we had been talking and having a nice time up until then.

"What's wrong?" I asked her.

She replied, "I think I hate you."

I stammered, "O-okay... why?"

She said, "You're nice, but your face looks like a weasel. I think you're only trying to trick me into thinking you're nice."

"I think I'm actually nice. Saying I look like a weasel isn't very nice at all."

She whispered, but in a harsh tone, "Don't you judge me. I'm just stating a fact. If you don't like it, that's none of my business."

"Okay. You want to go?"

She groaned and raised her voice. "I didn't say that. Did I say I wanted to go? Did I? Did I?"

"No."

"Some weasel-faced punk isn't going to tell me what to do, God almighty, no..."

I gave her a look, then stood up. She asked, "Where are you going?"

"I'm getting our waiter."

"I said I didn't want to go. Did you even listen—?"

"I want to go. Right now." I left the table, found the waiter, and asked him to bring the check as soon as he could. When I returned to the table, Leigh was still there, and she was mad.

"What the hell? Are you crazy or something?"

"Nope. But I think you are. Mind splitting this with me?"

She picked up a fork and brandished it like a weapon, but clumsily. "I should," she began, "I should—"

"You should put the fork down before there's a lawsuit, little girl," I yelled.

She jumped at that, put the fork down, threw her wallet open, slammed a few bills and change onto the table, and left. The check arrived moments later. Her collected cash covered about 80% of what she owed, but I considered it a small price to pay to be forever parted from her.

5 comments:

  1. If she stabbed you with the fork...POP goes the weasel!

    ReplyDelete
  2. What's her problem? Weasels inhabit an important niche within the ecosystem...

    ReplyDelete
  3. Of course she didnt want to leave. She wanted to stay there and insult some guy and then make him pay for her food. This guy fought back though. Although im not sure why he needed to yell unless he wanted to attract attention. Or maybe he was scared that he would actually be stabbed emmm i mean forked?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If he is paying for dinner, he should at LEAST get forked.

      Perhaps she is also a dinner whore as well as bully others to make herself feel better.

      Delete
  4. Epic fail by Leigh. She had the crazy down pat until she lost control and did 80% of the right thing.

    ReplyDelete

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