3/31/2012

Grass-Kickin'

Story Sent in by E.G.:

A mutual friend from my college set up Tracy and I on a date. She lived with her parents in a quiet neighborhood, not far from campus. We spoke for a little over a week, and I asked her out. She asked if I could meet her at her place, and from there, we'd walk together to dinner or whatever we decided to do.

When I made it to her house, I rang the bell, and her father answered the door. He called for Tracy, but she didn't answer. He suggested to me to look around the back of the house.

Look around the back I did, and I found Tracy on her knees in the middle of the yard, yanking up handfuls of grass and discarding the torn blades back onto the ground.

"Tracy?" I asked, approaching her.

"I've gotta find it," she replied.

Thinking that she had lost a contact lens or something similar, I knelt down and asked her, "What did you lose?"

She yanked up more grass, then shifted to a sitting position. "The grass must be shortened."

I asked, "You can probably mow it... tomorrow." It was evening. Not a good hour for cutting grass.

She said, "By the time I shorten all the grass, it'll be long again. Too long since the rains, and now that I'm seated, I won't stand."

I watched her continue the grass-tearing for about a minute. Then, she looked at me and threw two handfuls of grass in my face.

I sputtered, stood up, brushed myself off, and said, "Bye."

As I left, she shouted, "I'd stop you but I'm stuck! I'm stuck! My ass is stuck on the ground! They've come for me at last! Oh God! Oh God!"

I hurried away from her and left. The next time I spoke to my friend (the one who had set us up), I didn't mention a thing about the "date," and my friend didn't ask anything about it.

5 comments:

  1. I would've slapped the friend who set you up.

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  2. Yeah, I think the mutual friend deserves a heads up of his/her total failure at matchmaking.

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  3. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  4. How do people not know about their friends' obvious mental illness? Or drug use? Let's say it was drugs. That's always more fun.

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