2/12/2012

Window Undressing

Story Sent in by Kevin:

Lucy and I were out to dinner together, first date. At one point, she asked me, with a smile, "Anything I should know about your past? Any restraining orders?"

I replied, "None that I know of. You?"

She said, "None against me."

"Any against anyone else?"

"All my exes. Yeah."

I asked, "You've taken out restraining orders against all of your exes?"

She nodded. "They all come after me. Don't know why. You probably will, too."

I laughed. "Are you serious? I don't think I'd 'come after' you."

"Just what they said, themselves. One of them broke every window in on my ground floor."

My mouth opened. "Oh my God. Did you call the cops?"

"Didn't have to. We reached an agreement." She leaned closer to me and said, "He said that if I let him sleep with me one last time, he'd pay for my windows to be replaced and give me some extra." She winked.

"Ugh, what a creep."

She gave me a funny look, then said, "Uh, I took him up on it. Free windows and cash on top?" She laughed.

"Seriously?"

"Seriously. Why the hell wouldn't I?"

I couldn't help myself. "Because you probably could've gotten the money from him if you called the cops. Because it's kind of prostitutey."

She shrugged. "It all worked out. He got me the money less than 24 hours later. He knew I would've gone to the cops if he didn't. And it's not prostitutey. I didn't sell him sex for money. I got new windows and some extra cash on top. Don't see too many prostitutes going around with new windows, do you? I think that makes me shrewd. A businesswoman."

"You're right," I fake-agreed.

Incidentally, our first date was also our last.

7 comments:

  1. Damn OP, you're so insensitive. Don't you know that it's impolite to refer to prostitutes as anything other than "shrewd businesswomen?"

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  2. Right! Like Hustle and Flow...

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  3. I agree - prostitutes are actually shrewd businesswomen. This broad is just a dumb slut.

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  4. Reminds me of an older joke.

    Person A: Would you have sex with me for a million dollars?
    Person B: Sure
    Person A: Would you have sex with my for $10?
    Person B: What do you think I am, a prostitute?
    Person A: We've already established what you are; no we're negotiating.

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  5. Prostituties ?!? Wasn't that a POST Cereal that promised "A Bang In Every Bite!" ? A FREE Surprise STD in every box, too!

    Seriously, she was whether she thought so or not and women like that don't change. Guess a restraining order could have been mitigated with sex too.

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  6. Oh OP, you missed out. You musta had at least two glasses on your table. Think of what you could have gotten for that. Maybe even a handsies?

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  7. I love how people can rationalize their own behaviour regardless of the situation.

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