2/03/2012

Who's Your Pop?

Story Sent in by Alexandra:

Keith and I met in person after finding each other online. He offered to take me out to dinner, but told me that we'd figure out precisely where after meeting up.

Our meeting spot was in front of a bakery, and he asked me what I was in the mood for, regarding dinner. I offered, "Indian? Chinese?"

He pulled out his phone and looked something up, presumably some Indian or Chinese places in the area.

I said, "There's Beijing Wok or Bengal Elephant," which were Chinese and Indian places in the area, respectively.

He nodded and made a call. Once they picked up, he said, "Do you serve Coke or Pepsi products?"

They gave him the answer, and he hung up at once. He then called what I assumed was the other restaurant and asked them the same thing. They answered, and he hung up without a trace of emotion on his face.

He turned to me and said, "Those two are out. What else you got?"

I named two other Chinese restaurants in the area. He called them up and asked them both the same question. At the second one, he had to speak to a manager, as the person who first picked up apparently didn't understand what he was asking.

He hung up from that second conversation and said, "Maybe if you know of a restaurant that serves the one that you prefer, we ought to go there."

He sighed. "There's a pizza place I know of that has Coke. I'm fine going there if you are."

"I had pizza for lunch."

"So that complicates things. Story of my life. Anywhere else you think I should call? Otherwise I'll just expand the search."

I replied, "Is there really that big a difference between Coke and Pepsi products? I always found them similar."

He gave me the look of an admonishing teacher. "The differences are enormous. Taste aside, Coke's ingredients are responsibly derived, whereas Pepsi buys theirs from pirates."

"They buy their carbonated water and caramel color from pirates?"

"Essentially. Let's start walking to the pizza place and I'll keep trying some other places."

On our walk to the pizza parlor, he alternated calling up area restaurants and talking to me about Coca Cola's merits and Pepsi's shortcomings.

"Coke is venerable. Always has been. Their product tastes like quality should. Pepsi's is probably carbonated toilet water, and you can taste it. Seriously. Try one right after the other, if you can stomach the Pepsi. You won't regret it."

"I won't regret trying something that you just said tastes like carbonated toilet water?"

"Sometimes you have to learn the hard way."

Keith gave up after three more phone calls and we arrived at the pizza parlor. "Do you mind if we go here?" he asked, "You could have pasta or a salad or something."

It wasn't a big deal, so I told him that it was fine. He ordered pizza and grabbed a can of Coke out of the cooler, which was next to the counter. He turned to me and asked, "Want anything to drink?"

I grabbed a Pepsi.

He went rigid. He didn't know what to say. "You're kidding me. Put that—are you...? After all that... a Pepsi? Did you...? Um, let's see here... are—is, I mean, uh, if you, um, I think you should put that back."

I shrugged. "I like Pepsi."

He snapped, "I'm not paying for it."

"Okay."

He shook his head and repeated, "No way, I'm not paying for it," then turned to the counter and paid for his pizza and my salad.

Dinner itself was short. He alternated between cramming huge mouthfuls of pizza into himself and muttering, "A Pepsi, I can't believe it. I thought you were one of the different ones."

He bid me a hasty goodbye after the meal, and I returned home, where a bottle of Coke sat in my refrigerator.

35 comments:

  1. Loved this, you little troll. Thanks for sending it in!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOVE real life trolls! Good job, OP, for FINALLY silencing that blow hard!

      (Personally, Scientist Fiancee LOVES Pepsi, but I think it leaves a chalky film on my teeth. I don't always drink soda, but when I do, it's Coca-Cola, and it has a LOT of rum in it.

      Delete
  2. Coke IS better than Pepsi, but I happily drink whichever is available. I love me some cola...

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  3. I like coke better, always have. Nowadays oI drink coke zero.

    But if pepsi us what's on tap, I could care less.

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  4. Guess he was a Coke Zero and she was a Pepsi One.

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  5. setting the record straight on the great abcotd cola debate of 2012...

    fact 1: fountain pepsi > fountain coke.
    fact 2: bottle/can coke > bottle/can pepsi.
    fact 3: all taste better with a splash of whiskey.
    fact 4: pepsi needs to bring josta back.

    http://www.savejosta.com/

    ReplyDelete
  6. I'm a Mt. Dew guy myself, but I prefer Coke to Pepsi. For some reason Pepsi just tastes kind of flat to me. I don't think I have ever allowed my preference to ruin a date though. The restaurant serves Coke products? Cool, I prefer Coke anyway. Pepsi products? Sweet, that means they have the Dew.

    And I prefer to support the pirates directly through donations of cash, weapons, and cereal. Pirates LOVE them some cereal...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I support them with donations of eye patches and parrots!

      Delete
    2. I am a pirate. Thank you both for your generous donations of Lucky Charms, eye patches, and parrots, the last of which we roast on spits.

      Delete
  7. My favorite soda is Orangina, but I prefer Pepsi to Coke - products derived from evil just have a crisper flavor. Besides, those pirates aren't going to support THEMSELVES, you know?

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  8. This guy does sound a bit over the top, but I know how he feels. Whenever I get to a restaurant I ask for a Coke and if they ask, "Pepsi ok?" I tell them it's not and I'll have a water instead. Pepsi is not worth the empty calories, but I'll become a fatty if it means delicious Coke.

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  9. You 'Mericans drink WAY too many soft drinks products. Ya gotta switch to good ol' Canadian Beer!

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    Replies
    1. i'm with ya on that. if i'm going to be ingesting that many calories in liquid form, i at least want to get my buzz on.

      Delete
  10. Coke is disgusting. The end.

    ~Signed,
    Lone voice of reason of ABCotD
    (discounting Wolfie because choosing the flavor of evil is not quite admissable as 'reason')

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  11. Hmmm, Coke has Mello Yello, which is pretty bitchin. But Pepsi has Moutain Dew Throwback, which is also pretty bitchin. But then again, Boylan's Creamy Red Birch Beer is probably the best carbonated beverage ever. So Boylan's FTW, I guess.

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  12. And he couldn't drink, say, water? Green tea? Or a tasty mango lassi?

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    Replies
    1. Don't be ridiculous, Jazz Bird. EVERYONE knows Mango Lassi ingredients are derived from affiliates of Al Qaeda - when you buy one, you help the terrorists win!

      Delete
  13. Jolt* > RC** > Cherry Vanilla Pepsi*** > Vanilla Coke > Pepsi Throwback > Mt Dew Throwback > Pepsi > Coke > Mello Yello > Cherry Coke > Wild Cherry Pepsi

    * Original Jolt, not that energy drink they tried to pass off. Good old "All the sugar and twice the caffeine" Jolt.
    ** Is RC even around anymore?
    *** RIP Cherry Vanilla Pepsi. You shall live on in our hearts (and that one can I still have in the fridge).

    That said, "Pepsi One, Coke Zero" should have been the title.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Agreed on the last part. Jared: title fail. No one calls it "pop" except redneck Southerners. It's a "soda." Duh.

      Delete
    2. "Pop" is the populat midwest term. Soda is western, like Cali. "Coke" is southern, but it manes the same thing as soda or pop. When you ask for a Coke, they say sure what can I get you? Then you ask for a Cola.

      Delete
    3. I'm originally from Baltimore, but I call it "soda," so that term is obviously not strictly western. My midwestern friends ALL call it "pop," and most of my southern friends call it "coke."

      Delete
    4. Man, I miss Jolt Cola. That was a truly awesome cola. As far as RC, yes it's still around, but I only ever find it in cans.

      Delete
    5. D R, where's your stance on Pepsi Blue?

      Delete
    6. "Soda" is the usual term in the northeastern U.S. too.

      Delete
  14. jazz bird, I think anyone whose dinner plans revolve around having Coke readily available wouldn't be able to appreciate something as truly glorious as mango lassi.

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  15. Oh please. Both of them are made with high fructose corn syrup. BOUGHT FROM PIRATES.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Try a half JOLT, half Jack Daniel's. I call it a Jolt 'N Jack Flash - Quite the buzz and enough caffeine and sugar to keep you awake til 4am to really enjoy it!

    The Pepsi dude, on the first date, should have been ditched well before entering the pizza place.

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  17. My mom was a Diet Coke drinker and now that she's gone, we still sometimes honor her memory by rolling our eyes and saying "NO!" when a server at a restaurant says, "Is Diet Pepsi OK?" Of course, we only do it after the server has left the table, because none of us actually care.

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  18. Let me just say this..,
    When I lived in Texas they told me that I couldn't drink Pepsi products. It was obvious to them that the blue can represented the democratic party. The red coke can represented the republican party. So, if you drank Pepsi, you were a homosexual or supported " those faggots disruptIng the holy state of matrimony. " that's what this reminds me of.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "So, you'd rather drink the drink of the Communist Red Party than that of the True Blue Americans. Interesting, comrade, interesting!"

      Just to see the little hamster in their heads fall off the wheel and die.

      Delete
  19. Blech to them both. Give me root beer, orange, grape, mt. dew, sprite, ginger ale, or even just throw some cherry in there. But plain coke OR pepsi can suck it.

    Being so dead set on the coke crack, you'd think he would have an arsenal of restaurants that cater to his whim at his disposal. Does he eat out only at that lone pizza place?

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    Replies
    1. I suspect you give him too much credit if you think he gets out of the house often enough to have developed a list.

      Delete
  20. The most shocking thing about this post is the number of restaraunts he called that DIDN'T have coke products. Must be in the North.

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  21. WTF, I would have ditched this loser after the whole calling up about coke/pepsi products thing. He was probably making a big deal of calling all these places so the date could fold over and go "OKAYYY lets go to the pizza place now". Cheap skate and a selfish jerk. Waste of a night.

    ReplyDelete
  22. As the second voice of reason this date was about control and domination. If it hadn't been about soda it would have been about something else. I want more cheery dates - is there a sister website?

    ReplyDelete

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