2/10/2012

Vampires Used to Be Cool

Profile Sent in by Virgil:

About me:

I am ONLY attracted to White and Hispanic males. IF YOU ARE NOT WHITE OR HISPANIC AND YOU CONTACT ME VIA THIS WEBSITE, YOU REALLY ARE A RAPIST TO ME BECAUSE I AM TELLING YOU "NO" RIGHT NOW.

I am here for ONLY one thing: long-term commitment with a White or Hispanic male, not petty chit-chat, no casual/conventional dating: no "open" relationships. Take the time to read my entire profile if you think I am honestly attractive. I totally do NOT want to be with a guy who smokes (that means all smokes!) You can easily find someone else if you're a smoker. Not White or Hispanic? I block YOU because I already stated that I'm interested only in being with a White or Hispanic guy. NO FAT GUYS! I like White and Hispanic guys that are in good/decent shape for obvious reasons and that includes no hourglass shapes. I'm on a mission for another Atheist!! Where in this Hell are you?! As a goth, I am practically roleplaying a vampire, deathly pale and regenerating myself alone. Similar beings solely will be embraced.

I appreciate individuals who challenge or question mainstream society, especially its lousy mainstream music.

I need a talkative, assertive guy due to my non-outgoing personality. With another quiet person, we'll bore each other to death. It's been proven far too often. Ideally I am searching for a compatible goth/rocker type of guy (someone I can relate to), but I like guys who are extremely similar to the goth/rocker sort.

Please note that I am a little bit chubby compared to models, currently, although I workout and I enjoy walking. Feel free to find your dream woman elsewhere if a model is what you're after. I don't cheat: Attraction IS a MUST, so please have up-to-date pictures (plural). Without multiple pictures, I am convinced that you are either of the following: unattractive, not commitment-minded, or a lesbian. If you have only one picture or less, I do not need you at all. A minimum of twice per week get-togethers is my strong request because I am searching for a real relationship. If you are extremely financially well-off, please do not contact me atm. I live on a budget currently. I'm hoping to find someone with similar interests mostly in music and gaming. I am an artist, although I rarely draw unless I'm in a particular mood which calls for it. I'm not into sports and I don't want to hook up with a sports fan. A movie every so often is cool, a concert, museums, restaurants, or a trip to a bar... Feel free to take initiative :)

I am introverted, shy, and quiet in person compared to most females. I'm a loner naturally, but I can open up with the kind of guy who can carry a conversation with me. I'm not the most feminine type of female considering my rocker/goth/punk clothing, though I'll dress in 'elegant goth' on rare, worthwhile occasions. I have surface piercings on my right arm and at the base of my neck. I'm a part-time student juggling part-time work as well, but I mention this because I go through busy phases for legitimate reason.

I enjoy gaming, surfing the net, and listening to awesome hardcore music. I like most animals/pets, and I enjoy nature. I'm loyal, honest, compassionate, fairly observant, and I can be a good listener to a White or Hispanic male ONLY.

YOU MUST BE WHITE OR HISPANIC! ! !

Lastly, I want someone who makes me take my profiles down permanently because yes, I want a LTR again.

(age range 25 - 43 ideally; younger than me is ideal)

29 comments:

  1. Did she mention that you must be white or hispanic???

    ReplyDelete
  2. What a sweet girl. I'm completely in love. It's too bad I'm a fat rich black guy who likes to listen to Billy Joel.

    ReplyDelete
  3. So a 44 year old goth girl who likes gaming. Quite an interesting combination.

    ReplyDelete
  4. For a quiet, shy girl she sure has a lot of demands.

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  5. Personally, I have a healthy respect for this woman's confidence. Most 44 year old chubby butch-looking women would settle for the first (WHITE OR HISPANIC!!! OR YOU ARE A RAPIST!!!) guy to come along, but this woman has the confidence to hold out for her fit 25-year old (WHITE OR HISPANIC AND NOT FAT!!! SHE WILL CALL THE COPS ON YOU, YOU RAPY RAPIST!!!) goth rocker who likes chubby older women.

    Wait, did I say "confidence"? I meant "insanity." Insanity! Seriously, I have got to stop using those words interchangeably from now on.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I'm pretty sure listing every single thing you DON'T WANT in a partner - every last damn thing you can think of - will eventually lead you to said Prince or Princess Charming. I'd even recommend meditating nightly on the kind of non-white or non-Hispanic piece of fat, assertive-but-not-too-assertive trash that may make me feel insecure by, a) not paying enough attention to me, or conversely b) being a doormat loser who can't function without... er.. sorry. Where was I?

    Not terribly surprising that those with the least to offer have the most conditions.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Just when I thought the list was over, it kept going. Yet another goth bitch shitting on other people. What happened to these women in middle school? Yeesh.

    ReplyDelete
  8. You know, at least anyone who meets all her specifications and enjoys her profile in return is almost a guaranteed thing. There's no guessing and game-playing going on. You probably won't find many surprise deal-breakers with her. You may not like what she says, but if you don't like it she wasn't trying to attract you anyway...

    I mean, if you know you're picky and you have a long list of things you Do Not Want, you may as well list them, so you don't have to exchange nice polite messages with someone only to later find out and say "I'm sorry, you're too Asian/financial endowed/much of a smoker/introverted for me". You may as well be upfront so you don't get a lot of false positives.

    Of course, if I were to write a profile along the same lines, I wouldn't sound like so much of a bitch, but hey - she apparently wants a guy who wants an introverted bitch.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The problem is by being so negative she is more likely to turn off exactly the guy she is looking for. Then the only guys left interested in her are the rapists.

      Delete
    2. Hm... Well, maybe she wants a rapist? ;)

      Delete
    3. I agree with your initial ideas Ankh. Listing your ideal mate isn't a bad thing and probably cuts down on the amount of junk messages you receive. Quality or quantity.

      Delete
    4. I agree that listing one's ideal mate might be a good place to start, but everything I've learned lately leads me to believe that the NEGATIVE approach, that is, listing everything you DON'T WANT, isn't necessarily going to produce the opposite, i.e. everything you DO want. This chick's long list of negatives supports my belief.

      Delete
  9. My cat was snoring (she has a cold) the whole time I was reading her delightfully racist rant, so it really added to the fat (but she likes to walk!) Goth girl vibe she was giving out. Hooray mouth breathers!

    ReplyDelete
  10. I think her last boyfriend must've been Black. hehe.. She's trying to break the "once you Black, you can't go back" saying.

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  11. I have a profile stating I look for casual sex with good looking woman, but I will never pay for anything (or even bring har some water from the tap! Bitch pleeeeease)
    Worked out great so far! Not a single woman not fitting my needs contacted me!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Am i the only one who finds it ironic that a goth girl has such a problem with dark skin? lol

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  13. I think this profile was actually meant as reverse psychology. She obviously wants an un-fit, non-white or Hispanic, preppy, religious, introverted, doormat rapist. In my opinion, that's too vague. Be more specific, woman!

    ReplyDelete
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    ReplyDelete

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    ReplyDelete
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    ReplyDelete

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  21. 'I appreciate individuals who challenge or question mainstream society, especially its lousy mainstream music.'
    But someone who will never, ever challenge YOUR ideas.

    ReplyDelete
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