2/18/2012

Utterly Shocking

Story Sent in by Armand:

I was on the last stage of my date with Alessandra. We had enjoyed a nice dinner (although she had been pretty quiet throughout), and I offered to walk her home. She accepted, and once we reached her doorstep, she turned to me with a strange request.

"I was wondering if you could come in for a second to help me switch out an old bulb. I'm no good at these things."

She led me inside and showed me an old wall sconce at the bottom of her stairs, near the door. It was definitely an antique, and had even been painted over. The bulb within it was dead, and so I unscrewed it, handed it to her, and then she ran to her pantry to grab me a new bulb to install.

She came back, handed me the new bulb, I screwed it in, and hit the light's switch. It didn't work. I said, "It could be the bulb, or the light, itself. Do you have another bulb to try?"

She gave me a puzzled look. "That's not what's supposed to happen. I'll grab another one." She disappeared into her pantry as I unscrewed the first bulb, and she returned with another. I screwed that one in. No luck, either.

"It's probably the wiring," I suggested, "This is an old sconce."

She said, "It hasn't worked in years. It was supposed to electrocute you."

That made me freeze. Her tone didn't betray a hint of humor. She then put both of her hands on me and pushed me toward the door. "Enough out of you," she said firmly, "Get out, now."

"You… wanted it to… electrocute me?" was all I was able to say as I backed out her front door.

She didn't answer, but once I was outside, she slammed her door shut and locked it. I still had the first new bulb I tried in my hand. I brought it home to use in my own lights, and never spoke to Alessandra again.

10 comments:

  1. And that's why everyone now uses flashlights at the Bates motel...

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  2. I would have put the light bulb under her tire. I doubt the brittle flimsy glass in a bulb would pop her tire, but maybe it would scare the crap out of her.

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  3. Wow, attempted murder. Yeah, that counts as a bad date.

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    Replies
    1. Please, its was only household current. At worst it would have hurt a lot.

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    2. Well, she obviously thought it would kill him. Being stupid doesn't erase the intent.

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    3. She said, "It was supposed to electrocute you." Since when does electrocution = death?

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    4. Ask anyone who's been put to death by electric chair.

      Oh yeah, that's right... you CAN'T. They're DEAD.

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    5. To be fair, when's the last time you heard someone say "I wanted to electrocute you" and mean "but only a little bit"?

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    6. "Electrocution" does only mean electrical death (ELECTRical exeCUTION), not just getting a shock.

      dictionary definitions:

      1. To kill with electricity: a worker who was electrocuted by a high-tension wire.
      2. To execute (a condemned prisoner) by means of electricity.

      Delete

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