2/15/2012

Sometimes, Everyone Loses

Story Sent in by Amy:

David and I went to elementary school, junior high, and high school together, but only really became friendly around senior year. We had two classes together, he sat near me in both of them, and so we'd end up talking and working together regularly. He was always nice, if a little quiet.

Fast forward to prom season. He asked me to it, and I accepted. We had a nice time, and as far as I could tell, he thought of me only as a friend. I would have considered dating him, if he made the first move.

The first move came shortly after prom weekend. He asked me out on a date, and one date became two, two became three, and we ended up together through the early part of the summer after high school. It was a great time, although we were heading closer to sleeping together, and I wasn't sure if I was altogether ready for that. Still, David was very understanding and put no pressure on me at all.

When I was finally ready, we had been together for about three months. We were at my house, my parents were gone, he was very sweet, I was very comfortable, and clothes came off.

Then, about a minute away from the loss of my virginity, he smiled and said, "You know what? I changed my mind."

Wow. Talk about the last thing that anyone ever wants to hear at that particular moment. I sat up in bed and asked him, "What's wrong?"

He sat down and stared at me with a smirk. "Remember that time in first grade when you called me an assbutt?"

I replied, "No." I sincerely didn't.

He said, standing and putting his pants on, "Well, you did. I can't really forget that, so I don't think this is going to work."

I laughed. He had to have been joking. Three months of laughter, dates, smiles, hugs, kisses, movies, a trip to the beach, finding creative places to make out, all of that… for a stupid little revenge thing? Right here? Right now? Really? Really?

Really.

He left.

I went through a bit of a dark time after that, as I'm sure you can understand. I found a great guy in college, though, a year and a half later, and although he and I aren't together anymore, we're still friends.

Never found out what happened to David the assbutt.

22 comments:

  1. While this could be chalked up to immaturity, I think carrying a grudge like that, all the way through school (from 1st grade to high school senior) may be indicative of mental illness. It doesn't sound normal even by standards of childish immaturity.

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    1. Unless, of course, you're just trying to perfect your Long Con.

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  2. Wow, I applaud this guy's committment to his revenge schemes.

    However, I must say that if I was the one so inclined to get revenge, I'd do it AFTER I handled my business with the young naked virginal woman spread out before me.

    I'm willing to bet that when he is fat, bald, and middle-aged, he'll be kicking himself for that one! LOL

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    1. Agreed about the last sentence. I was thinking the same thing. One day, when he matures mentally, he will have a revelation and realise what a big mistake he made and how horrible a person he was to her. That is, if he ever grows up and fixes himself.

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    2. I'm pretty sure Steve meant that he would be kicking himself for not doing the deed before bringing up the assbutt, not that he's ever feel sorry for his petty revenge scheme.

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    3. I'm pretty sure Steve meant that he would be kicking himself for not doing the deed before bringing up the assbutt, not that he's ever feel sorry for his petty revenge scheme.

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    4. I'm pretty sure that when Dan wrote "Agreed about the last sentence" he meant Steve's "LOL", not that he thinks Steve is a paragon of virtue. (Don't worry, we love you anyway Steve) ;-)

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    5. Honestly, I'm thankful he decided to play the immaturity card BEFORE taking her virginity, since doing something like that to the person's whose vcard you've just taken will cause them to go insane. Like, Furies-level insane.

      And I thought the shit MY first put me through was bad. I don't get shocked by much on this site anymore, but this made me say, "Wooooooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwww......" out loud. Well done, assbutt. Well done.

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  3. "I would have considered dating him, if he made the first move."

    That's a weird criteria to have when thinking about dating somebody

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    1. Doesn't sound too weird if you consider they were in high school. I don't typically think of high school girls as aggressively pursuing boys. Moreover, the way Amy tells the story it sounds like she wasn't terribly into David, but may not have have had a lot of success with other guys, hence the comment. Now, if she was in her late 30's and wanting desperately to get married, then it'd be strange to take this passive-aggressive attitude toward dating.

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  4. Let me be the first to say - you totally deserved it, OP. Everyone knows that "assbutt" is the ultimate Unforgivable Insult - even as a first-grader, you should have known better. Why, he would have been well within his bounds to sleep with your mom and kill your pet goldfish as vengeance for that fiendish slur upon his honor.

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  5. Just throwing this out there: Something was amiss, he made up the assbutt line and got the hell out of there.

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  6. Dude is a jerk and possibly crazy, but it has to be said: three months of dating before sex? MONTHS? Does this story take place in the 1600s?

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    1. Er, it was going to be her first time. I don't think three months is at all excessive.

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    2. Different strokes for different folks. Some people are not comfortable until they are more committed to a person. If both partners are happy with the progress of things then it's fine.

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    3. Yeah, they were in high school and she was a virgin, and one who ended up going to prom with someone "as a friend" at that. Doesn't seem odd to me at all.

      That said; high school boy, went out for three months with "no pressure on me at all", and right at the moment that he has her lying there naked and ready he changes his mind? Sounds more like the experience made him realize he just wasn't into girls. If he was just realizing it then he probably made up the assbutt thing as an excuse to get out of there and figure out what he wanted.

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    4. I didn't have sex for 20 years, and I dated several girls. Not everyone has the "gots-to-get-me-some-now-and-to-hell-with-morals" mentality.

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  7. Your first grade self was clearly astute. Dude's an assbutt

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  8. I'm sure I've seen this situation in many sitcoms.

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    Replies
    1. I am quite sure Robin Sherbotsky knows exactly how this girl feels.

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  9. Are you sure "a minute away from" is in the backwards direction, not the forward one?

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  10. Why did he bother holding a grudge at all.. he is clearly an assbutt.

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