1/24/2012

Flash in the Pan

Story Sent in by Christopher:

This happened to me about 10 years ago. My first date with Joanna was supposed to be at a restaurant in town, but she called me last minute and asked, "Would you mind meeting me at 138 Boritt Street, instead?"

I replied, "Sure. That your house?"

"A friend's house. See you soon."

I arrived and parked on the side of the road. 138 Boritt was a small, two-story house on a good-sized piece of property, distant enough from its neighbors, but not too far from the street. Joanna was sitting on the front steps, and there was a light on above the front door. The house was otherwise dark.

She stood up and gave me a quick hug. "Hey," she said, "Okay, this is going to sound weird, but could I ask you to drop your pants?"

I chuckled, then saw that she was serious. She said, "I'm actually not kidding. I was assaulted in town two years ago, and I don't know who did it, but I know that he lives right around here. I just want to make sure that it isn't you. I didn't see his face."

"But you saw his wang?"

"He made sure to show me that," she said, "Would you mind?"

I imagined how it would look to anyone passing by. I asked, "Can it be done inside?"

She replied, "No. This isn't my house. It's a friend's house and he's out. I don't have the key."

"Can we go around back and do this?"

"I'd feel better just getting it over with, here. He had something very distinctive on himself, and I can tell with a quick glance. Please."

She seemed sincere and shaken, and I didn't see any harm in a quick flash. I have to emphasize here that she requested it. I unzipped my trousers and pulled it out. She looked at it, and her face burst into a smile that she couldn't keep under wraps any longer.

Before I could pull it back in, she stood up and made for the door. It was unlocked. She glanced back at me, said, "It's so small," and then closed the door behind herself and turned off the porch light.

I zipped up my pants and remained on her porch for a good minute, thinking about what to do next. She likely anticipated that I'd knock on her door or try to contact her, so I decided against that. Instead, I opted to be the bigger person, so I turned around and left.

On my way home, she called my phone but hung up before I could answer it. Other than that, I didn't hear from her again, and that was fine by me.

14 comments:

  1. Ahh, a nice return to form after the snooze fest below.

    Never mind OP, she probably had a foof like a ripped out fireplace. Bullet dodged and no mistake.

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  2. Con artist. Some people have this innate ability to be cruel while appearing sincere. Deceitful lot all of them. But the worst are the girls who deceive and know we would give them the benefit of the doubt just because they think we are attracted to them. Shameful.

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  3. LOL, he fell for it?

    Obviously not the sharpest tool in the shed.
    'I was assaulted, now i need to see your wang'.
    *SOUNDS LEGIT*

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  4. This story is hilarious. Fake, but hilarious.

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  5. Instead, I opted to be the bigger person

    That's good... you certainly wouldn't want to get any SMALLER, particularly if you flash women on the first date! ;-)

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  6. Yeah, I'm gonna say this was fake. I can't imagine even the most gullible guy falling for that.

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  7. I don't know what's worse; a girl pretending to be a rape victim to get a laugh or a guy falling for it..

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  8. Sounds like a setup to me. I would have just walked away...

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  9. You exposed yourself in an even worse way: someone in the darkened house with a video camera would be all it took for you to be labelled a sex offender for life. I find it curious that she refused to go around to the back, so that was my very first thought (that someone was recording it there in the front, for some nefarious purpose). If true, this was a naive concession to make to a stranger you just met.

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    Replies
    1. True, but she'd have to explain why they were videotaping him in the first place...

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    2. This was my first thought too. No flashing until at least the third date.

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  10. She was just weeding out the guys with small wangs. You had a small wang, so she ditched you. Smart girl. If only we could all weed out the small wangs before our dates start.

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  11. I swear it is a true story! Honest...or my name isn't Mike Oxsmall

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