1/07/2012

Baby, Say it Ain't So

Story Sent in by Ben:

Michelle and I met at a cafe for our first meeting. She ordered a coffee and we sat down together and then she pulled out a small sippy-cup, the kind with a small plastic spout that you give to little kids. She transferred as much of her coffee as she could to it, shook it around, and drank out of it.

"Why a sippy-cup?" I asked her.

She replied, "It's a security thing, plus it's more sanitary. It's almost impossible to spill anything on yourself with one." She shook it around a bit to demonstrate.

"A security thing?"

"Yeah. It reminds me of when I was in the womb. A feeling of no danger."

"You remember having sippy-cups in the womb?"

She sighed heavily. "Enough about the sippy-cup. There's more to me than what I drink out of."

Right she was, although I think I could be forgiven for my curiosity. I was silent for a few moments as I tried to segue into another topic.

"And don't laugh," she said, "But I sometimes even wear diapers."

I laughed. How could I not? Was she serious? She was quick to point out, "I use them like underwear! I don't really go to the bathroom in them! That would be nuts."

"And you wear diapers for the same reason?"

"Look, this world can suck. I do everything I can to be an adult and still be childlike. Is that wrong?"

"No. I'm sorry. I don't mean to be judgmental." I meant it. What she was doing didn't hurt anyone. So what if it made her less my type? So what if this was a young woman, very likely wearing a diaper right at that very moment? So what if—

She reached under her blouse. On a little chain around her neck, she had a light blue pacifier charm, like the kind that was popular a few years ago. She popped it into her mouth and sucked on it.

Out of the corner of her mouth, she spoke, and I was barely able to make out the words, "So, tell me more about you."

I talked about my job, my family, and a good deal about many other things, I'm sure. Unfortunately, the only thing I remember is trying to keep a straight face while she matter-of-factly sucked away on her pacifier.

As I spoke, her eyelids drooped, and she finally interrupted with, "I think it's time for a nap. We'll catch up some other time?"

"Okay."

We both stood up, she hiked up her pants, I'm serious, almost up to her chest, and bid me a swift goodnight.

We had a good rapport, but something about her prevented me from calling her for date number two.

13 comments:

  1. ok..so you clicked online, clicked on the phone, she met you, but wasn't impressed...sorry to say, OP, but that was her way of saying "i'm just NOT that into you". why else would she have such a heinous plan on back up to try to make you disinterested in her, as opposed to...say...barking like a dog, or having a friend to bail her out? nothing surprises me anymore on ABCoTD, but this is definitely weird. i give her 2 stars for originality...

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  2. R, don't be so quick to dismiss her as trying o get rid of him... there's absolutely nothing here that really suggests it.

    Speaking of suggestions, I have some suggested matches for her:
    http://www.abadcaseofthedates.com/2011/12/nothing-else-is-required.html
    http://www.abadcaseofthedates.com/2011/04/laundry-day-must-be-hoot.html

    See, there's someone for everyone.

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  3. I don't know, R... normally I would enthusiastically jump on the "Make the OP feel bad" bandwagon, but I think this girl was legit nuts. I mean, she actually brought PROPS, like a sippy cup and pacifier chain. People don't go to those kinds of lengths just on the off chance that they don't click with their first time date. Making up a story, yes; but bringing accoutrements to accompany that story, unlikely.

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  4. The adult baby/diaper lover thing isn't really an appropriate thing to whip out on a first date. Although I suppose she could've stuck it in her profile to filter out anyone not into that.

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  5. I'm sure there's a name for this type of mental condition/fetish, but I'm too lazy to look it up.

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  6. was bored so looked it up called Paraphilic infantilism

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  7. @ ankh & wolfie, you've made valid points.. @ lina, i looked that up and didn't realize that it's truely a mental illness, or fettish, or however it's referred. # rawr..i agree

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  8. Weird that I could forgive all until she popped the pacifier in and then almost nodded off.

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  9. A girl with a oral fixation? OP clearly dropped the ball on this one...

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  10. I would hesitate to say anything about number two, date or otherwise, to someone wearing diapers.

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  11. This feels legit to me. Like linamina said, probably just a syndrome she is apparently quite comfortable with.

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  12. If it had just been the pacifier, I would have guessed that at some point in the past someone had slipped drugs into her drink and she had some residual paranoia resulting in the sippy-cup "security".

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