12/15/2011

Shake, Shake, Shake, Señora

Story Sent in by Dave:

I was on a first date with Amanda. Everything was going well. She was an attractive teacher, and I was (and still am) an editor at a cable channel. We had a lot of stories to share, I kept her laughing, and for all intents and purposes, it seemed exactly the sort of story to not end up on ABCotD.

Our dinners came and we ate and continued to speak, but something strange happened. She was in the middle of telling me all about her family:

"My dad's side is huge. He has eight siblings. Eight! My Uncle Fred started a toy company that was bought out by Kay Bee Toys, and…"

She went on, and I listened along. So far, so good.

"…and my Aunt Sandra is a concert pianist. She… she… uh…"

She trailed off and looked off into space. It prompted me to ask, "Amanda? You okay?"

She raised her arm as if she had a question, then shook it out. I asked, "Arm asleep?"

She said, "No, it's…" She continued with the arm shaking. I waited patiently for her explanation.

"…it's my arm… it… it doesn't want to be on this date with you, anymore."

I smiled and laughed. She did neither. Then, under the table, I felt a shaking. Her left leg swung from side to side. She said, "Oh no… now my left leg doesn't want to date you, either!"

My smile evaporated. What was she doing? I asked, "Uh… I'm sorry to hear about your appendages, but do you want to be here, on this date?"

She nodded vigorously. "I do! I do! I don't know why they're acting up–oh God!"

Her other arm and then her right leg shook like noodles. She looked back and forth as if she was being attacked. She asked her arms, "Why don't you want to be here? Stop it!"

Her head pitched forward, so far that I thought it would land in her food. She wobbled up to her feet, shook her arms as she grabbed her purse, then said, "Whoa!" as she stumbled her way out of the restaurant as if she was someone's marionette. "No, I want to stay!" she said, as her legs carried her out, "I want to stay…"

I didn't stop her. Instead, I finished my dinner, finished part of her dinner, paid the check, and left for home.

I debated writing to her, because, well, she was clearly nuts. Then again, it seemed weird to me to just let things go at that, so I wrote her a one-line, "Hey, I hope everything's okay, good luck out there," message.

She wrote back:

27 comments:

  1. Huh.

    BETSY BETSY BETSY BETSY BETSY.

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  2. Not to call you a pushover or anything, but you didn't even confront her about it? Not even a "You know if you want to leave you can do so, there's no need for these shenanigans"? I mean, why not just call her out on such silly bullcrap?

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  3. Maybe she wanted him to "fight for her?"

    Maybe she was fishing for him to say, "Oh no! What can I do to convince your arm to stay a bit longer? Buy the most expensive bottle of wine? But of course!" Etc...

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  4. Once upon a time I wouldn't have thought so - but (after reading ABCotD for a while) this does sound like either a dare or, most likely, she was making excuses to end the date.

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  5. I make it a rule never to get involved with possessed people.

    Actually, it's more of a guideline than a rule.

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  6. Sounds like someone has alien brain syndrome.

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  7. Everything was going well.

    If there is one thing ABCotD has taught me, it is to never underestimate the capacity of people to delude themselves that "Everything was going well." Personally, I feel that most OPs who say that "Everything was going well" and don't provide specifics is probably secretly insane. Hence the reason we get stories like this:

    "Everything was going well until she yawned and fell asleep as I was talking to her."

    "Everything was going well until he sped off too fast for me to follow his car."

    "Everything was going well until the morning after our date, when I discovered she had taken down her profile, changed her phone number, and gotten a restraining order against me."

    When somebody says "Everything was going well" the one thing you can be 99% sure of is that NOTHING was going well.

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  8. So, Tourist, since it's a guideline and not a rule, does that mean that it's occasionally okay to become involved with possessed people? Only when they're particularly interest in their possession? Or particularly attractive?

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  9. Not sure if Ana was making a funny or a typo (the medical term is alien hand syndrome), but I laughed.

    Beat me to the punch, though. I came in to say that I'd never heard of alien limb syndrome in ALL the limbs at once!

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  10. Man, OP. You must be ugly, fat, boring, or all three.

    Why did that response go out of style? We haven't blamed the OP's looks/weight for a long time!

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  11. Ankh, I believe Tourist was quoting Bill Murray in Ghostbusters.

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  12. wolfdreams01 has nailed this one.

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  13. Damn, that's too bad. I was hoping for a deep conversation about exactly what level of hotness would make a demon-possessed person worth dating. I'd have to say at least an Adrian Paul-level of hotness.

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  14. As a guy, I'd go for a Megan Fox-possessed type, a la Jennifer's Body (haven't seen that flick but I would just for Megan and Amanda Seyfried)

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  15. Agreeing with wolfdreams on this one.

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  16. Amanda Seyfried is a cadillac and Megan Fox is a rusty tricycle.

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  17. Now now Dave... Megan is very attractive; maybe she's not your cup of tea, you prefer blondes, or you don't like Megan's seemingly-stuck up RL personality. But she is hot. So is Amanda though, and she seems smart and classy to boot.

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  18. Both of them are indeed very cute, but I see hotter women whenever I go clubbing. Hell, occasionally, I've even dated somebody hotter. I don't understand why it is that when somebody becomes famous everyone thinks they're ridiculously hot. For example, Uma Thurman has hideous fish-eyes (they're practically on opposite sides of her head) but at least 50% of men will reflexively say that she's hot, if you ask them.

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  19. I agree totally wolf - it can be hard to judge a person's appearance based on tiny two-dimensional images. Plus personality has so much to do with attractiveness - again, without knowing someone in person all you can do is opine, but on this score I think Megan does not come out ahead.

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  20. Oh my god I'm not the only person who thinks Uma Thurman is weird looking :D I hadn't made the connection before but she does look like a fish, and now that's all I'll be able to see when I look at her.

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  21. It's oddly comforting to know that sometimes it's the female acting like a jerk (no pun intended).

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  22. Just in case anyone wanted it...

    Translation:

    Sorry about my arms and they take control and don't let me write but I am sorry and please don't tell anybody help help I'm being

    Sorry, couldn't get the last word. Someone help me out?

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  23. "Help help I'm being repressed." She's clearly channeling a Monty Python skit.

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  24. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  25. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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    Replies
    1. Do you have pickles in your ass?

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  26. It was actually a clever ruse to get out of paying for her meal AND get out of the date.

    ReplyDelete

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