12/28/2011

Lion Around

Story Sent in by Joanne:

One of the questions Bob asked me during our intro online conversations was, "What's your favorite animal?" I'm a Leo, and since I was young, I've liked lions, so I told him that. A few dozen questions later, he asked me out on a date.

I agreed to meet him at a local park, late on a Saturday morning. When I showed up, he wasn't there yet, so I sat down on a bench.

Several minutes later, a mighty roar sounded behind me, and before I could turn around, someone tackled me off the bench, right to the ground. It was a guy, and I didn't take the time to see who it was before I attacked him right back.

He jumped off me and stood up. It was Bob. I scrambled up and yelled, "What the hell are you doing?"

"Raaaargh!" he said, "Like, you know, a lion."

"What?"

He looked around. "There are lions in these parts. You'd do well to be more aware of that."

"Idiot. Why did you tackle me?"

He looked away. "You said you like lions. Duh."

"But you don't go sneaking up on someone you haven't even met yet and basically attack them! Did you think I'd applaud or give you a medal or something?"

He went from meek to menacing in under a second. He yelled, "You said you goddamn like lions! I was pretending to be a lion. What's so goddamn hard to see about that? Maybe I'm not the idiot, Joanne! Maybe you're the idiot, idiot!"

He kicked dirt at me and ran away. The instant I made it home, I blocked his account.

5 comments:

  1. It's good to know that he was lion about being worth dating before you wasted much time on him, at least.

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  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  3. You should tell him that your big brothers the tin man and the scarecrow are totally going to kick his butt now.

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  4. "Maybe you're the idiot, idiot!" Mmm, brilliant.

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