Story Sent in by Dorian:
Alana and I met online. She sounded too good to be true: young professional with a sharp sense of humor. I found myself asking, "Why isn't this girl taken yet?" Well, guess what? I found out why.
My first clue appeared after I suggested going to an upscale place. She said, "I don't know if that's really our speed. Maybe somewhere like a Friday's?"
Friday's, for those who don't know, is a chain restaurant. Not a bad place, and I didn't have a problem with going there, although, something about the way she asked to switch put me on guard.
I wasn't sure what it was until she arrived at the restaurant and all became clear: she had (what I guessed was) a three year old in tow, and he would not shut up.
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh!" the three year old screamed in greeting.
"Uh, hi..." I replied.
"Yaaaaaaaaaagh!" three year old said.
Alana smiled. Aww. She said, "John-John, say hi to Mr. Dorian."
"Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh!" said John-John, screaming his guts inside-out.
I asked Alana, "Are you sitting for him, or is he—"
"Nope! He's one-hundred-percent mine!" she said with a big grin.
"Baaaaaaaaaaaagh!" John-John confirmed.
I said, "You forgot to mention that you have a child."
She shrugged. "It's not a big deal. He gets along with everyone."
Another couple walked by. John-John pointed at them and postulated, "Raaaaaaaaaaagh!" loud enough to wake Socrates himself from his deep, thanatological slumber.
I said, "I forgot to mention something, too: I really don't get along with loud, annoying kids."
Alana took slight offense to that, apparently, as she hugged sweet John-John closer to herself and said, "Well, I'm sorry but I'm kind of a package deal."
"It's okay," I said, "Good luck out there," and I left.