11/18/2011

Surp-rice!

Story Sent in by David:

I arrived early at Natalie's house to pick her up for our first date. She lived with her parents and younger brothers. Her mother let me into the house, and I spoke with her as I waited for Natalie to come downstairs.

I hadn't been there five minutes when a horrific shriek came from upstairs. Natalie's mother ran halfway up the stairs and yelled, "Nat? What is it?"

Natalie's voice shouted down, "That piece of garbage! I hate him! Where is he?"

She stomped downstairs, shoving past her mother. Natalie was in a nice outfit, but her face was all business. Murderous business, from the looks of it. She looked at me, then without a word, stormed into what I guessed was the kitchen.

I heard her say, "There you are, you asshole!" There was a shout, the sound of crashing furniture, a door opening, running feet, and a door slamming shut. Then, silence. Natalie had apparently chased someone out of the house.

I exchanged looks with Natalie's mother, who had frozen on the stairs. She then went upstairs herself while I remained in the living room. A moment later, I heard her say, "Oh, Ben…"

She came downstairs, carrying a black pair of women's dress shoes. They were filled with gloppy white rice, and she showed them to me. She said, "That's Ben for you. Our youngest. Nat was probably planning to wear these tonight."

She carried them past me and opened her front door, presumably to empty them outside.

"Wait," I said, and she stopped. "May I?" I reached for the shoes.

She maintained a hold on them. "What did you have in mind?"

I replied, "Pouring the rice into Ben's bed."

I was expecting a fast no, so I followed it up with, "Nat looked really mad. I think this would cheer her up." Natalie's mother laughed and handed me the shoes. She said, "Second door on the left."

I took the stairs two at a time, followed Natalie's mother's directions, emptied as much of the rice under Ben's covers as possible, then ran back downstairs with the shoes and handed them back to Natalie's mother. She warned me with a smile, "I'm going to have to tell him that it was your idea. He'll want revenge."

I shrugged. "Let him try."

Natalie eventually returned without Ben. She apologized to me dozens of times, went upstairs to grab a different pair of shoes, and then we were finally ready to go out together.

On our way to dinner, I told her what I had done, and that I would take full blame for it, so that hopefully, Ben wouldn't retaliate against her. She laughed, said that she could never get away with something like that, and we had a great time despite our initial face-to-face encounter.

When we returned to her house, she kissed me goodbye on the cheek, promised that she'd tell me how things went once she made it back inside, and said that she wanted to see me again. I was excited, and it was certainly an unexpected sort of evening.

She wrote me a long email that I received the next morning. In it, she explained a bit about Ben's emotional problems, and that while he was usually harmless, she had returned that night to a trashed room. She retaliated by attempting to strangle him, and it had apparently taken both of her parents to separate them from each other.

One of the last lines of her email was, "It might be best if we waited a little bit for date #2."

I opted to postpone it indefinitely.

16 comments:

  1. I'm sorry but this does not sound believable at all. I have a hard time imagining any mother agreeing to prolong these kinds of childish fights.

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  2. I know that parents sometimes play good-natured trIcks on their children, but ultimately, not all parents are good. Surprisingly, they sometimes make bad decisions.

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  3. I'm not saying partners never make bad decisions. It's just that he is a complete stranger to the family, plus she says later that the little brother has emotional problems. It just doesn't seem right to me.

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  4. That or maybe she didn't have as good a time on their date as he did, so she made some crap up to ensure they never go out again...
    ...kinda childish but, apparently a lot of people act like this from what I've read on here.

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  5. My first impression from reading this is that the mother is not a very good parent. She should be playing the role of peacekeeper, not perpetuating the conflicts.

    Makes me wonder if the "emotional problems" stem from "no parenting."

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  6. ^ I'd more than wonder. Let's upgrade that to "theorize."

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  7. I find this one totally believable, actually. There are a lot of fucked-up families out there. In this case, "Me brother has emotional problems" is probably just a gentler way of saying "My brother is an asshole".

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  8. So you had a great time, got a great response at end-of-night, but for some reason you decided to let this girl go because of her younger brother?

    What am I missing here?

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  9. ^Uh, she tried to STRANGLE her brother. Sounds like a dealbreaker to me.

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    Replies
    1. Do you have a younger brother? I've gotten into knock down fights with my brother even into my late teens. One ended with my glasses broken and I bit him. We are total pals today, and I wouldn't consider my mother a bad parent, but sometimes sibling rivalry is pretty strong. I don't think my mom would have let a total stranger put rice in my brother's bed though.

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  10. I'd say the OP dodged a bullet by recognizing the signs that this girl and her family were going to, at the very least, be a source of drama if not outright problems for him.

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  11. It is never good to build a relationship to spite somebody else or while hating another person.

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  12. Anyone else REALLY want this story to have a cute happy ending? I felt like this one built up to it, like all the other "something terrible happened on our first date, but we stuck it out together cause we're awesome" stories

    sidenote, OP is kind of a dick for picking on a kid he doesn't even know

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  13. @Lex - I agree, total dealbreaker. She TRIED to strangle her brother? The fact that she didn't succeed shows that this woman is a quitter and OP dodged a bullet here. At the very least, she should have been able to give the snotty little shit a good beating before her parents intervened. No wonder he's out of control!

    (BTW, I think you accidentally capitalized the wrong word. ;-)

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  14. OP is an idiot. He does not know the family and plays a stupid prank on a kid. Oh, yeah, sure way to look awesome.

    Btw, it could have been "play" strangling. Just like you say "I'll kill you" to someone without ever meaning to kill anybody.

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  15. @Lex

    I grew up with two younger brothers, in my mind strangle doesn't necessarily mean hands wrapped around throat until he turns purple, but more like headlock until he cries uncle.

    I think you're taking the story far too literally. Honestly, she could have meant that she was chasing him around TRYING to "strangle" him, and they fought until they were separated. They're siblings, sibling fight, especially when one of them is a little monster.

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